“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”
Just to prove
yesterday’s lot of exam answers wasn’t a fluke, here are some more that I
discovered, again collated from the UK GCSE exam results.
These young people
show an outstanding ignorance on a wide variety of subjects. I imagine a few of
them will become successful politicians and bureaucrats one day.
I think some of these
are very funny.
I hope you enjoy them
too.
GEOGRAPHY
Q: Name the four seasons.
A: Salt, pepper, mustard
and vinegar.
Q: Explain one of the
processes by which water can be made safe to drink.
A: Flirtation makes water
safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep
and canoeists.
Q: What is the Equator?
A: "Equator: A
managerie lion running around the Earth through Africa."
Q: How is dew formed?
A: The sun shines down on
the leaves and makes them perspire.
Q: What is a planet?
A: A body of earth
surrounded by sky.
Q: What causes the tides
in the oceans?
A: The tides are a fight
between the Earth and the Moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon,
because there is no water on the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget
where the sun joins in this fight.
SOCIOLOGY
Q: What guarantees may a
mortgage company insist on?
A: If you are buying a
house, they will insist you are well-endowed.
Q: In a democratic
society, how important are elections?
A: Very important. Sex
can only happen when a male gets an election.
Q: What are steroids?
A: Things for keeping
carpets still on the stairs.
BIOLOGY
Q: What happens to your
body as you age?
A: When you get old, so
do your bowels and you get intercontinental.
Q: What happens to a boy
when he reaches puberty?
A: He says goodbye to his
boyhood and looks forward to his adultery.
Q; Name a major disease
associated with cigarettes.
A: Premature death.
Q: What is artificial
insemination?
A: When the farmer does
it to the cow instead of the bull.
Q: How can you delay milk
turning sour?
A: Keep it in the cow.
Q: How are the main parts
of the body categorized? (E.g. abdomen.)
A: The body is consisted
into three parts - the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The
branium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the
abdominal cavity contains the five bowels, A, E, I, O and U.
Q: What is the Fibula?
A: A small lie.
Q: What does
"varicose" mean?
A: Nearby.
Q: What is the most
common form of birth control?
A: Most people prevent
contraception by wearing a condominium.
Q: Give the meaning of
the term "Caesarean Section."
A: The caesarean section
is a district in Rome.
Q: What is a seizure?
A: A Roman emperor.
Q: What is a terminal
illness?
A: When you are sick at
the airport.
Q: Give an example of a
fungus. What is a characteristic feature?
A: Mushrooms. They always
grow in damp places and so they look like umbrellas.
Q: What is a Fossil?
A: A fossil is an extinct
animal. The older it is, the more extinct it is."
Q: What does the term "Germinate” mean?
A: To become a
naturalized German.
ENGLISH
Q: Use the word
"judicious" in a sentence to show you understand its meaning.
A: Hands that judicious
can be soft as your face.
Q: What does the word
"benign" mean?
A: Benign is what you
will be after you be eight.
TECHNOLOGY
Q: What is a turbine?
A: Something an Arab
wears on his head.
Q: What is a Vacuum?
A: A Vacuum is a large,
empty space where the pope lives."
Q: What is a Magnet?
A: Something you find
crawling all over a dead cat."
Q: Define the term
Momentum
A: What you give a person when they are going away."
A: What you give a person when they are going away."
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