“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”
I haven’t
been blogging for very long. But I have discovered by writing my own and by
reading other peoples’ that they can have a way of letting you release some of
the things you always wanted to say but never do in other ways. That’s a great
thing. Very understated, but very important and a perhaps the best things that
blogging is doing.
Thus here I
am writing to the world at large (those of it who care to read this blog of
course, let’s not get carried away) about the morning I spent in bed with Derek.
There you
are. I’ve said it.
Crikey!
I suppose I
might as well tell you the whole story.
Now I am
ultra firmly in the heterosexual camp, always have been, and intend to remain
there, but nevertheless I have to admit that that morning was truly one of the
most exciting times I’ve ever had in bed with anyone. It was intense, to say
the least!
At the
time, I was nicely settled in a beautiful tropical isle, where the power of the
internet and its easy communication applications has made it possible for me to
spend a lot of time and still keep in touch with the big wide world out there.
One
morning, it was a Saturday I think but that doesn’t really matter, I woke up late,
around 9’ish, only to find Derek sitting at the bottom of my bed. How he got in
I don’t know, but there he was. My eyes were still a bit out of focus, from
sleeping, but I could tell he was a big fellow.
He didn’t
say a word and neither did I. We just looked at each other, him sitting on the
bed and me peeking out rather uncertainly from beneath the bed sheet.
It seemed
as if we stayed that way for ages, locked in each other’s gaze.
Then after
a while Derek made his move.
Slowly he
began to make his way up the bed towards me.
I didn’t
know what to do.
Should I
also make a move? Or should I remain where I was?
I thought
about pulling the bed sheet to one side to let my arms out, but I was afraid
that I might inadvertently send the wrong signal to Derek. Would it appear too
hostile, or too welcoming. Neither would be appropriate.
It was my
first time in this position and my inexperience showed. I just was not sure
what would be the right thing to do. Nobody teaches you these things at school.
Nobody prepares you for the strange turns that life can sometimes take.
So I just
lay there watching intently as Derek made his way up the bed, getting closer
and closer to me. It was all done in complete silence.
When he was
almost level with my face he stopped.
He turned
slightly and stared into my eyes.
I stared
into his.
There was
something between us that was for sure, a kind of an intimate respect even though
we didn’t know each other and in fact had never seen each other before.
I was about
to pluck up enough courage to speak to him, but before I had the opportunity he
looked away from me and began to move again.
Right up to
the head of the bed.
And then on
to the wall.
WTF???
On to the
wall?
Well, yes.
Derek was a
tarantula spider, and a bloody big one!
The preceding
episode had all been a bit like that scene in Dr No where the baddies put a
tarantula in James Bond’s bed. Being James Bond, and licensed to kill, he beat
the proverbial crap out of his. I just let Derek wander up the wall and on to
the ceiling.
Despite the
uncertain introduction I have to say that Derek and I became friends. He stayed
on the ceiling, most of the time absolutely still, until he took a dart here
and there to capture an insect. While he was doing that he was happy and so was
I.
This went
on for many days.
Then one
day, just as mysteriously as he had arrived, he disappeared.
I never saw
him again.
Sometimes I
miss him!
This is
Derek.
And this is
James Bond
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