“Fight Against Stupidity And
Bureaucracy”
People
hardly ever look up. I don’t know why that is, but they hardly ever do.
Maybe
it’s because it is a slightly unnatural act having to crank your neck backwards,
or the fact that if you do it too far your mouth involuntarily opens. Unless
there is an unusual noise or something to catch their attention most people
wander through life just looking from ground level to about six to eight feet
high.
But mouth open or closed, sometimes it is a good idea to have a look at
what’s going on a bit higher up.
Anthony, or
Tony as he liked to be called, is a good example of this. Tony was the biggest
businessman I had ever come into contact with. I don’t mean he was a Bill
Gates, or a Warren Buffet or even a Larry Ellison in that he had amassed a vast
fortune of billions of dollars, or that he ran a huge company. I am simply
referring to his physical, not his business, stature.
Tony was a
good six feet six in height, and about four feet wide. He was a giant of a man.
Very amiable and softly spoken, but you just knew he wasn’t the type of person
to pick a fight with and I don’t think anyone ever did.
I was not
personally involved in the trip I am about to tell you about, thank goodness,
but a couple of friends of mine were and they related the story (many times!).
It’s going back a few years now but there was a time when lots of companies
were visiting the Middle East to try to secure contracts from the oil rich Arab
nations who were using part of their great wealth to develop the infrastructures
of their nations.
Part of
these business trips more often than not involved a substantial meal provided
by the local hosts, with some offerings less suited to the western palette and
others absolutely delicious. Most people had the sense to pick and choose which
was the sensible thing to do. But Tony’s appetite for food was as big as he
was.
Whilst the
others showed restraint, Tony tore into everything on the table, much to the
delight of their hosts. He ate and he better ate and when almost everything was
gone he pronounced himself “full”. After that he and the other two visiting
businessmen handed over their proposals to their hosts and a follow-up business
meeting was arranged for the following afternoon.
The next
morning they were up bright and early and met for breakfast, two ordinary ones
and a super-sized one for Tony. They chatted for a while and then went off to
their rooms to rehearse their pitches for the afternoon meeting.
Later, when
they all assembled in the hotel foyer for the short taxi ride to the office
where their meeting was scheduled Tony was the last to arrive. He didn’t look
at all well.
“You’re a bad color,” said one of the others. “Are you feeling okay?”
“No, no, I’m fine,” Tony protested. “Tummy’s a bit jippy, that’s all. Let’s go
and get this done.”
And off
they all went, one of them in the front seat of the taxi and Tony and the other
guy in the rear.
When they
arrived at the company offices they were ushered up to the fourth floor and into
a reception/waiting area that consisted of a few of chairs, two large couches
and, on the other side of the room, a receptionist’s desk behind which sat two
girls, one greeting visitors and the other operating the telephones. The room
was about 30 feet by 20 feet, with very high ceilings. Off to the left, behind
partition walls were what seemed to be more offices.
By this
time Tony’s color had not improved at all. In fact it was getting worse. He was
shaking his head from side to side and at the same time rubbing his ample belly
with his right hand. A few muffled gurgles and rumbles could be heard by the
others sitting close to him.
“Guys, I don’t feel so well,“ he finally admitted, obviously now
in considerable discomfort. “Excuse me
while I go to the bathroom.”
And up he
got, inquired from the girls behind the counter where the bathrooms were
situated, and off he went. They were on the other side of the foyer from the
offices and he quickly made his way in that direction.
When I
described the other offices as being behind partition walls I neglected to say
that these walls did not go right up to full ceiling height. They stopped about
two feet below that. Unfortunately the bathrooms were located behind a similar
partition wall. This meant that anything that was going on in there above a
certain level of decibels was clearly audible to anyone in the reception area.
The first
noises to emerge through the gap between wall and ceiling was a series of groans
and grunts. Then some expletives best not repeated here. This was closely
followed by several thunderous explosions.
“Incoming!” warned one of the guys in the
reception area, highly amused by it all. “Take
cover!”
“Watch out for the shrapnel,” added the other as the bombardment
continued.
It didn’t last
that long really, but it seemed to go on forever. The whole crescendo ended
with a clearly audible “Oh **** me, what
a relief,” from Tony.
The two
girls at the reception desk were clearly embarrassed at this unusual behavior,
but they saw the funny side of it too and giggled quietly. The other two guys
in the reception area weren’t so timid. They were enjoying the whole show and
laughing quite openly.
“Best pitch rehearsal I’ve heard
from him,” quipped
one.
“I always said he was full of crap,” said the other.
“Not any more!” returned the first.
And on it
went.
Then Tony
walked back into the reception area. He was looking, not quite triumphant, but
definitely pleased that he was now feeling a lot better. He was completely
unaware that his predicament had been heard by all and sundry.
“Have they spoken to you yet?” he inquired. “What’s the running order?”
“I’m on first,” said one of the guys. “You’re number two.”
The other
one sniggered.
Tony was not
getting the joke at all, but he knew he was missing something.
“Okay,” he said to the others. “What’s the joke, what’s going on?”
“Look behind you,” one of them said, indicating the
partition wall between the reception area and the bathrooms.
Tony did. “I don’t see what you mean, what’s wrong?”
he asked.
“Look up a bit,” the other guy said.
Tony looked
up. At first he didn’t see anything out of place. Then after a few minutes of
looking round the room the penny dropped. He was clearly embarrassed.
“You mean you could hear..” he started to ask.
“EVERYTHING,” the other two said in unison.
”Shit!” exclaimed Tony.
“And lots of it by the sound of
things,” said one
of the others.
After that
Tony always looked up now and again.
I don’t
know how the meetings went.