Showing posts with label crashes. Show all posts
Showing posts with label crashes. Show all posts

Tuesday, June 19, 2012

The Fourth law of Thermodynamics



“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”


After yesterday’s rant I though it was time for something a little less intense today. So in this post I am going to talk a bit about the Fourth Law Of Thermodynamics.

Say what??? 

Don’t worry, if you have read any of my previous posts you will already be familiar with this Law as I have highlighted many examples.

The Fourth Law Of Thermodynamics is a derivative of Murphy’s Law, and can be defined as follows:

“If anything can go wrong, it will go wrong, especially under pressure.”

The original Murphy’s Law actually reads:

“If there are two or more ways to do something, and one of those ways can result in a catastrophe, then someone will do it that way.”

Although it sounds Irish, Murphy's law seems to have originated with a Captain Edward A. Murphy, who was an American engineer at Muroc, California (later named Edwards Air Force Base).  In 1949 he was working on a rocket sled project to test the tolerances of the human body to acceleration and sudden braking.  The machinery kept failing mainly due to human error. For example in one experiment that involved a set of sixteen accelerometers mounted on different parts of a subject’s body. There were only two ways the sensors could be mounted and Murphy found that someone had methodically glued all sixteen in place the wrong way. Exasperated by the stupid technician, Murphy said, 'If there is any way to do it wrong, he'll  find it.'

Air Force Flight Surgeon, John Paul Stapp, picked up on Murphy's phrase and used at a press conference. After that it was adopted first by others within the aerospace industry, but gradually became a popular everyday saying.

As with any good idea, Murphy's Law evolved to fit various scenarios.

For example, the 1st Amendment states that,

“If there is a possibility of several things going wrong, the one that will cause the most damage will be the one to go wrong.”


The 2nd Amendment,

“If you realize that there are three possible ways in which something can go wrong, and cover them all, then a fourth, unprepared for way, will miraculously appear out of thin air.”


The 3rd Amendment,

“When something breaks, the parts damaged are in direct proportion to their value.”


And the 4th Amendment,

“The failure does not appear until the machinery has passed its final inspection.”




Finally there are what have been called the “Lesser Known Murphy's Laws which include things like,


“Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.”


“He who laughs last, thinks slowest.”


“Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.”


“Those who live by the sword, get shot by those who don't.”


“Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.”


“The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.”


“If you lined up all the cars in the world end to end, someone would be stupid enough to try to pass them, five or six at a time, on a hill, in the fog.”


“If the shoe fits, get another one just like it.”


“The things that come to those who wait will be the things left by those who got there first.”


“Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will sit in a boat all day, drinking beer.”


“Flashlight: A metal tube used to store dead batteries.”


“The shin bone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.”


“A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.”



Sunday, June 17, 2012

The Things People Say – To Their Insurance Companies


“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”


Always try to start the week with a smile. This time it is with the help of another helping from those rather confused citizens who write reports to their insurance companies after an accident. They always make interesting reading and usually raise a smile or two.

As ever, hope you enjoy.



I collided with a stationary truck coming the other way.



A truck backed through my windshield into my wife's face.



The other car collided with mine without giving warning of its intention.



My car was legally parked as it backed into another vehicle.



When I saw I could not avoid a collision I stepped on the gas and crashed into the other car.



To avoid hitting the bumper of the car in front I struck a pedestrian.



I started to slow down but the traffic was more stationary than I thought.



The accident occurred when I was attempting to bring my car out of a skid by steering it into the other vehicle.



I was backing my car out of the driveway in the usual manner, when it was struck by the other car in the same place it had been struck several times before.



I was unable to stop in time and my car crashed into the other vehicle. The driver and passengers then left immediately for a vacation with injuries.



I saw her look at me twice. She appeared to be making slow progress when we met on impact.



The gentleman behind me struck me on the backside. He then went to rest in a bush with just his rear end showing.



The car in front of me stopped for a yellow light, so I had no choice but to hit him. (She pushed him through the intersection)



The pedestrian ran for the pavement, but I got him.



The guy was all over the road. I had to swerve a number of times before I hit him.



I was sure the old fellow would never make it to the other side of the road when I struck him.



The pedestrian had no idea which way to run as I ran over him.



The car in front hit the pedestrian but he got up so I hit him again.



I saw a slow moving, sad faced old gentleman as he bounced off the roof of my car.



A pedestrian hit me and went under my car.


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Monday, June 11, 2012

Some More Insurance Claims


“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”



Today I started to write a blog post about something entirely different. Then I came across another selection of motor insurance claims. I always enjoy these. It is fascinating what the general public can do with the English language. They don’t quite kill it, but they certainly torture it a bit.

Here’s today’s selection.

I hope you enjoy them.




The claimant had collided with a cow.

The questions and answers on the claim form were –

Q: What warning was given by you?

A: Horn.

Q: What warning was given by the other party?

A: Moo.




Who is to Blame?

No one was to blame for the accident but it would never have happened if the other driver had been alert.




I didn't think the speed limit applied after midnight.




I had been shopping for plants all day and was on my way home. As I reached an intersection a hedge sprang up, obscuring my vision and I did not see the other car.




The indirect cause of the accident was a little guy in a small car with a big mouth.




I was going at about 70 or 80 mph when my girlfriend reached over and grabbed my testicles so I lost control.




I was on the way to the doctor with rear end trouble when my universal joint gave way causing me to have an accident.




On approach to the traffic lights the car in front suddenly broke.




The accident was caused by me waving to the man I hit last week.




Windshield broke. Cause unknown. Probably Voodoo.




No witnesses would admit having seen the mishap until after it happened.




I had been learning to drive with power steering. I turned the wheel to what I thought was enough and found myself in a different direction going the opposite way.




The accident happened when the right front door of a car came round the corner without giving a signal.




I had been driving for forty years when I fell asleep at the wheel and had an accident.




I left for work this morning at 7am as usual when I collided straight into a bus. The bus was 5 minutes early.




An invisible car came out of nowhere, struck my car and vanished.




I knew the dog was possessive about the car but I would not have asked her to drive it if I had thought there was any risk.




The accident happened because I had one eye on the truck in front, one eye on the pedestrian, and the other on the car behind.




I started to turn and it was at this point I noticed a camel and an elephant tethered at the verge. This distraction caused me to lose concentration and hit a bollard.



Monday, June 4, 2012

Collisions, Crashes, And Calamities.


“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”


We’ve touched on this subject before but there are far, far too many idiots allowed to be put in charge of motor vehicles. Inevitably these morons at one time or more end up crashing, sometimes it is a solo effort, at other times they take some other unfortunate with them.

However it happens, the inevitable result as well as the police becoming involved is that the insurance companies are quickly brought on board to fight the cases.

Here are a few descriptions given by some intellectually challenged drivers to their insurance companies trying to explain the mayhem that they had caused.

Poor doggie. You’ll see what I mean.



Coming home I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I don't have.



I told the police that I was not injured, but on removing my hat found that I had a fractured skull.



I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my mother-in-law and headed over the embankment.



I thought my window was down, but I found it was up when I put my head through it.



As I approached an intersection a sign suddenly appeared in a place where no stop sign had ever appeared before. I was unable to stop in time to avoid the accident.



In an attempt to kill a fly, I drove into a telephone pole.



I saw two kangaroos having it off in the middle of the road. So I hit them, which caused me to ejaculate through the sunroof.



I was thrown from my car as it left the road. I was later found in a ditch by some stray cows.



The telephone pole was approaching. I was attempting to swerve out of the way when I struck the front end.



I pulled in to the side of the road because there was smoke coming from under the hood. I realized there was a fire in the engine, so I took my dog and smothered it with a blanket.