Time For Another Test - Whaddya Mean #>@!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

Sunday is usually a bit of a lazy day for most of us. So how about using the time to limber up those old brain cells. Here are 21 questions, some easy, some tricky, some silly, and some difficult. Give them a try and see how you get on.

The answers are at the bottom if you scroll down a bit, but no cheating!!!

QUESTIONS

1.  Why can't a man living in Winchester be buried in Frederick County?

2.  How near is the U.S. to Russia? (3000, 1000, 500, or 50 miles)?

3.  A woman gives a beggar 50 cents. The woman is the beggar's sister but the beggar is not the woman's brother. How come?

4.  What four words appear on every U.S. coin besides "In God We Trust?"

5.  You are blindfolded. Placed in front of you is a box of stockings, all the same size. Twenty-five of the stockings are red and twenty-five are white. What is the minimum number of stockings that you can remove and be absolutely sure of a matching pair?

6.  If you flew due south from Atlanta, Georgia, which South American country would you pass over first?

7.  How many outs are there in an inning of a baseball game?

8.  How many birthdays does the average person have?

9.  If 2 miles of fence enclose a square plot of 160 acres, how large a square will 4 miles of fence enclose?

10. Why can't a man's hand be 12 inches long?

11. How many cubic feet of dirt are in a hole one foot deep, three feet long, and two feet wide?

12. A woman fenced in a square plot of land. When she had finished, there were ten fence posts on each side. How many posts did she use altogether?

13. How far is a furlong?

14. How many 1/8-inch squares will it take to make a square inch?

15. A woman travels 1 mile south, then one mile west, and then mile north, and arrives at her starting point. Where is she?

16. If it takes 3 men 3 days to dig 3 holes, how long would it take 1 man to dig 1/2 a hole?

17. A rooster is on a barnyard roof. If it lays an egg, which way will it roll?

18. How many one-inch cubes will it take to make a cubic foot?

19. If it's zero degrees Celcius outside today and it's supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be tomorrow?

20. The maker doesn't want it; the buyer doesn't use it; and the user doesn't see it. What is is?

21. When is it legal in Virginia for a man to marry his own daughter?

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ANSWERS

1.  Because he is still alive.

2.  50 miles

3.  The beggar is a woman, so she is the woman's sister.

4.  United States of America.

5.  Three.

6.  One!

7.  Six.

8.  One, all the others are anniversaries of your birthday.

9.  640 acres or 1 square mile.

10. Because it would be a foot.

11. None (there is no dirt in a hole).

12. Thirty-six.

13. One-eighth of a mile.

14. Sixty-four.

15. North Pole.

16. You can't have 1/2 a hole.

17. A rooster doesn't lay eggs.

18. 1,728.

19. Still 0 degrees, only this time in Fahrenheit

20. A coffin

21. When he is a clergyman performing his daughter's wedding.

The Missouri Mass Murderer

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

I'm sure not many of you will have heard of the Missouri Mass Murderer, but that’s probably because I just made it up to get a catchy title for this blog post.

Nevertheless there was such a person and she could even be described as a serial killer such was the number of her victims.

Born in Joplin, Missouri, her name was Elva Ruby Connes Miller and she murdered some of the best songs ever written. In fact she tortured some of them to death in the most horrific manner.

Despite having studied music, voice, and composition at Pomona College, the woman could not sing. She had not a note in her body. Tone deaf does not even begin to describe it. Shrill, out of key, horrendous vibrato when completely uncalled for. You name a wrong way of doing it and she did it. It was carnage.

Curiously, sometimes when someone does something particularly badly it turns out to be something you have to look at, or in this case listen to. And when you hear one song, you need to hear another just to make sure she was as bad as you thought.

Mrs Miller self financed her first recordings and was eventually featured by KMPC disc jockey (and later Laugh-In announcer) Gary Owens on his radio program. Around the same time, 1960, she also appeared on a limited-run album of his comedy routines. Owens can therefore be blamed - sorry, credited - as the person who first discovered her.

Astonishingly Miller was signed to Capitol Records by Lex de Azevedo, a young up-and-coming producer at the label, although nowadays he apparently does not care to discuss his involvement with Miller!

Equally astonishingly, her first LP, ironically titled “Mrs. Miller's Greatest Hits”, appeared in 1966 and sold over 250,000 copies in its first three weeks! She sang for US servicemen in Vietnam (they should probably have got her to sing to the Viet Cong), performed at the Hollywood Bowl, guest starred on numerous television shows, and appeared in Roddy McDowall's film The Cool Ones.

But her fame was short-lived. Interest in Miller soon waned. She was dropped by Capitol and, in 1968, and released her final album, “Mrs. Miller Does Her Thing”, on the Amaret label. She later issued several singles on her own Vibrato Records label, then retired from singing in the early 1970s. She died in 1997 in Garden Terrace Retirement Center, in Vista, California.

A friend of mine introduced me to Mrs Miller's noise (I won't dignify it by calling it music) a few years ago when he gave me a CD of her greatest hits. 

But bad as it certainly is, I have put it to good use over the years. I like to take it to other people's houses, or when we are in the car. I "big" up this great singer I have discovered, pop the CD into the player and then watch the utter confusion and dismay on their faces as they listen to what Mrs Miller has to offer.

Below are a few examples of her crimes. Tunes you may be familiar with "A Groovy Kind Of Love”, The Girl From Ipanema", "Let’s Hang On”, Strangers In The Night", "A Hard Days Night", "Downtown", and "These Boots Are Made For Walkin". There are others on youtube.com if you get hooked, just do a search for Mrs Miller.

I usually say "Enjoy" at this point in my posts. However, today I do not think it is appropriate. Although I should perhaps add the disclaimer that, if you are of a sensitive nature you may find the following upsetting.

A Groovy Kind Of Love

The Girl From Ipanema

Let’s Hang On

Strangers In The Night

A Hard Days Night

Downtown

These Boots Are Made For Walkin

Another Few Funnies For Friday

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”



It’s Friday again so time for another few funnies. This time another batch from the insurance claim file. I hope you enjoy.



"I was driving along the motorway when the police pulled me over onto the hard shoulder. Unfortunately I was in the middle lane and there was another car in the way.."



Q: “Could either driver have done anything to avoid the accident?”
A: “Travelled by bus?”



"On approach to the traffic lights the car in front suddenly broke."



"First car stopped suddenly, second car hit first car and a haggis ran into the rear of second car."



"The other car collided with mine without giving warning of its intention."



"The accident happened when the right front door of a car came round the corner without giving a signal."



"My car got hit by a submarine."


(The Navy informed the wife of a submariner that the craft was due in port. She drove to the base to meet her husband and parked at the end of the slip where the sub was to berth. An inexperienced ensign was conning the sub and it rammed the end of the slip, breaking a section away, causing her car to fall into the water. The Navy paid the compensation claim.)



"I bumped into a lamp-post which was obscured by human beings."



"The accident was caused by me waving to the man I hit last week."



"I knocked over a man; he admitted it was his fault for he had been knocked down before."

"A house hit my car."

(A house was being moved by a large truck. My friend had his car parked on the side of the road correctly. The house began to tilt off the truck and eventually fell off the truck, landing on my friend's car. He eventually had the insurance paid, after lengthy explanation and the moving company confirming the story.)

The Curious Case Of The Coroner's Conundrum

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

In 1994, at the annual awards dinner given by the American Association for Forensic Science, their then president, Don Harper Mills, astounded his audience in San Diego with the legal complications of a bizarre death.

Needless to say it featured an idiot, in fact several idiots, which is why it is being recounted on the fasab blog.

This is the unlikely story.

On 23 March 1994, the medical examiner viewed the body of Ronald Opus and concluded that he died from a shotgun wound to the head. 

The deceased had jumped from the top of a ten-story building intending to commit suicide. He had left behind a note indicating his depression.

As he fell past the ninth floor, his attempt to kill himself was interrupted by a shotgun blast through a window, which killed him instantly. 

Neither the shooter nor the jumper were aware that a safety net had been erected at the eighth floor level to protect some window washers and that Opus would not have been able to complete his suicide because of this.

Ordinarily, if a person sets out with the intention of killing himself and ultimately succeeds, even though the mechanism might not be what he originally intended, the death would be deemed a suicide. 

Thus, in normal circumstances, the fact that Opus was shot on the way to certain death nine stories below probably would not have changed his mode of death from suicide to homicide.

However, in this case, the fact that his suicidal intent would not have been successful, because of the safety nets, caused the medical examiner to feel that he had a homicide on his hands. 

The room on the ninth floor where the shotgun blast emanated was occupied by and elderly man and his wife. They were arguing and he was threatening her with the shotgun. But he was so upset that when he pulled trigger he completely missed his wife and the shotgun pellets went through window striking Opus as he fell and killing him. 

The Coroner held that, “When one intends to kill subject A, but kills subject B in the attempt, one is guilty of the murder of subject B.”

However, when confronted with this charge, the old man and his wife were both adamant that neither knew that the shotgun was loaded. 

The old man said it was his long standing habit to threaten his wife with the unloaded shotgun. He had no intention to murder her - therefore, the killing of Opus appeared to be an accident in that the gun had been accidentally loaded by someone else.

The continuing investigation turned up a witness who saw the old couple's son loading the shotgun approximately six weeks prior to the fatal incident. It transpired that the old lady had cut off her son's financial support and the son, knowing the propensity of his father to use the shotgun threateningly, loaded the gun with the expectation that his father would shoot his mother.

The case now became one of murder on the part of the son for the death of Ronald Opus. 

But even that would not be enough to feature in this blog. 

Further investigation revealed that the son, was none other than one Ronald Opus, who had become increasingly despondent over the failure of his attempt to engineer his mother's murder.

This had led him to jump off the ten story building on March 23, only to be killed by a blast from the shotgun he had loaded himself some six weeks previously as he fell past the ninth story window of his parents’ apartment.

The medical examiner closed the case as a suicide.

Made it Ma! Top Of The World! - Not Nowadays, Pal, Not Without A Permit!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

The first part of the heading of this blog post is the famous last line from the 1949 gangster movie “White Heat”, starring the late James Cagney. If you are a film buff you may have heard of it. 

And if you have read much of this blog you will know already that the bureaucrats who try to curtail our freedom and the morons they employ to help them are everywhere.

What you maybe didn’t realize is that everywhere means EVERYWHERE.

And everywhere includes Mount Everest! If climbing it is on your bucket list, then get a pen and put a line through it unless you have a pile of cash and are prepared to jump through a lot  bureaucratic hoops.

First off you will need all your paperwork in order. You will have to tackle the Nepal Ministry and Administration and various people wanting their slice of the pie.

You'll need

• a local Trekking Agency to file for a permit 6 months prior to the expedition;
• a copy of your passport;
• passport pictures;
• a letter of recommendation from your local Alpine Association/Climbing club.

And that's even before your get there.

Once in Kathmandu, you will

• file additional papers;
• have a half-hour briefing with the minister or his associates about climbing sensibly and to care for the environment:
• then another briefing;
• more papers to fill out; 
• an environment security of around $4,000 returned when the expedition has brought back the trash and empty oxygen bottles;
• and pay a Liaison Officer who will spend some time in your camp;
• a film permit if you are doing a commercial film, shooting private video is free.

Then you will need to stump up a hefty fee for a permit which will set you back a minimum of $25,000 to over $70,000 depending on various factors. And that's not including other substantial costs such as your climbing gear and tour guides.

Remarkably, despite the bureaucracy, the heavy fees, and the physical risks involved in the venture, there is a long, long queue of morons  -  sorry make that mountaineers  -  eager to make the climb.

And woe betide you if you try to circumvent the bureaucrats.

A young Chinese climber tried that a few weeks ago. He had made it 25,500 feet up the mountain's North Col route to within a few thousand feet of reaching the summit when he was spotted camping alone, away from other expeditions. 

The people who spotted him were a contingent from the Tibet Mountaineering Guide School. These would-be bureaucracy enforcers challenged him and, when he could not produce a permit, physically assaulted him and removed him from the trail.

Someone who witnessed the spectacle wrote in an email:

"I did see the permitless chap being ushered down the hill.  The Tibetan rope fixers were sent up to get him. I saw them bringing him down the ropes from the North Col to [advanced base camp]. It was disgraceful. They literally kicked him down the ropes. It was a disgusting example of a pack of bullies egging each other on and literally beating him down the hill. It was absolutely unnecessary as he was offering no resistance and was scared out of his mind.  The Tibetans should, and could, have just escorted him down the hill and let the authorities deal with him."

So be warned, not just about Everest, which I don’t think many of us want to tackle, but about the dangers of allowing the bureaucrats and their enforcers to run roughshod over ordinary citizens.

There are other hazards with trying to climb Everest too, as the rather eccentric British actor Brian Blessed found out when he was part of an expedition to climb the mountain some years ago.

I’ll leave the final word with him.

Enjoy.

People Hardly Ever Look Up – Sometimes They Should

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

People hardly ever look up. I don’t know why that is, but they hardly ever do. 

Maybe it’s because it is a slightly unnatural act having to crank your neck backwards, or the fact that if you do it too far your mouth involuntarily opens. Unless there is an unusual noise or something to catch their attention most people wander through life just looking from ground level to about six to eight feet high. 

But mouth open or closed, sometimes it is a good idea to have a look at what’s going on a bit higher up.

Anthony, or Tony as he liked to be called, is a good example of this. Tony was the biggest businessman I had ever come into contact with. I don’t mean he was a Bill Gates, or a Warren Buffet or even a Larry Ellison in that he had amassed a vast fortune of billions of dollars, or that he ran a huge company. I am simply referring to his physical, not his business, stature.

Tony was a good six feet six in height, and about four feet wide. He was a giant of a man. Very amiable and softly spoken, but you just knew he wasn’t the type of person to pick a fight with and I don’t think anyone ever did.

I was not personally involved in the trip I am about to tell you about, thank goodness, but a couple of friends of mine were and they related the story (many times!). It’s going back a few years now but there was a time when lots of companies were visiting the Middle East to try to secure contracts from the oil rich Arab nations who were using part of their great wealth to develop the infrastructures of their nations.

Part of these business trips more often than not involved a substantial meal provided by the local hosts, with some offerings less suited to the western palette and others absolutely delicious. Most people had the sense to pick and choose which was the sensible thing to do. But Tony’s appetite for food was as big as he was.

Whilst the others showed restraint, Tony tore into everything on the table, much to the delight of their hosts. He ate and he better ate and when almost everything was gone he pronounced himself “full”. After that he and the other two visiting businessmen handed over their proposals to their hosts and a follow-up business meeting was arranged for the following afternoon.

The next morning they were up bright and early and met for breakfast, two ordinary ones and a super-sized one for Tony. They chatted for a while and then went off to their rooms to rehearse their pitches for the afternoon meeting.

Later, when they all assembled in the hotel foyer for the short taxi ride to the office where their meeting was scheduled Tony was the last to arrive. He didn’t look at all well.

“You’re a bad color,” said one of the others. “Are you feeling okay?”

“No, no, I’m fine,” Tony protested. “Tummy’s a bit jippy, that’s all. Let’s go and get this done.”

And off they all went, one of them in the front seat of the taxi and Tony and the other guy in the rear.

When they arrived at the company offices they were ushered up to the fourth floor and into a reception/waiting area that consisted of a few of chairs, two large couches and, on the other side of the room, a receptionist’s desk behind which sat two girls, one greeting visitors and the other operating the telephones. The room was about 30 feet by 20 feet, with very high ceilings. Off to the left, behind partition walls were what seemed to be more offices.

By this time Tony’s color had not improved at all. In fact it was getting worse. He was shaking his head from side to side and at the same time rubbing his ample belly with his right hand. A few muffled gurgles and rumbles could be heard by the others sitting close to him.

“Guys, I don’t feel so well,“ he finally admitted, obviously now in considerable discomfort. “Excuse me while I go to the bathroom.”

And up he got, inquired from the girls behind the counter where the bathrooms were situated, and off he went. They were on the other side of the foyer from the offices and he quickly made his way in that direction.

When I described the other offices as being behind partition walls I neglected to say that these walls did not go right up to full ceiling height. They stopped about two feet below that. Unfortunately the bathrooms were located behind a similar partition wall. This meant that anything that was going on in there above a certain level of decibels was clearly audible to anyone in the reception area.

The first noises to emerge through the gap between wall and ceiling was a series of groans and grunts. Then some expletives best not repeated here. This was closely followed by several thunderous explosions.

“Incoming!” warned one of the guys in the reception area, highly amused by it all. “Take cover!”

“Watch out for the shrapnel,” added the other as the bombardment continued.  

It didn’t last that long really, but it seemed to go on forever. The whole crescendo ended with a clearly audible “Oh **** me, what a relief,” from Tony.

The two girls at the reception desk were clearly embarrassed at this unusual behavior, but they saw the funny side of it too and giggled quietly. The other two guys in the reception area weren’t so timid. They were enjoying the whole show and laughing quite openly.

“Best pitch rehearsal I’ve heard from him,” quipped one.

“I always said he was full of crap,” said the other.    

“Not any more!” returned the first.

And on it went.

Then Tony walked back into the reception area. He was looking, not quite triumphant, but definitely pleased that he was now feeling a lot better. He was completely unaware that his predicament had been heard by all and sundry.

“Have they spoken to you yet?” he inquired. “What’s the running order?”

“I’m on first,” said one of the guys. “You’re number two.”

The other one sniggered.

Tony was not getting the joke at all, but he knew he was missing something.

“Okay,” he said to the others. “What’s the joke, what’s going on?”

“Look behind you,” one of them said, indicating the partition wall between the reception area and the bathrooms.

Tony did. “I don’t see what you mean, what’s wrong?” he asked.

“Look up a bit,” the other guy said.

Tony looked up. At first he didn’t see anything out of place. Then after a few minutes of looking round the room the penny dropped. He was clearly embarrassed.

“You mean you could hear..” he started to ask.

“EVERYTHING,” the other two said in unison.

”Shit!” exclaimed Tony.

“And lots of it by the sound of things,” said one of the others.

After that Tony always looked up now and again.

I don’t know how the meetings went.

If You Believe Government Statistics About Improving Exam Pass Rates Just Watch A Few Quiz Shows On TV

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

Saying that another Monday has rolled around again, let’s ease into the new week with a few funnies from the quiz show answers file. As the title suggests it lays to rest any doubt that anyone may have that the education system is working.

When will governments learn that the key to improving education is to teach people more, not to lower the examination pass rate so that the statistics look like things are improving.

You want proof?

Read on…..

Cognac is a fine brandy made from the juice of which fruit?

Coconut.

What 'P' is the Spanish word for quick and is used in English to mean 'at once'?

Pacy.

Who became US president when Nixon resigned?

Kennedy.

Cantaloupe, Galia and Honeydew are types of which fruit?

Orange.

In athletics in which discipline does the competitor hold a metal ball under their chin before throwing it?

Discus.

What word can mean touch-down of an aeroplane or the level floor between two staircases?

Step.

In America the Golden Gate Bridge is a feature of which city?

New York.

What surname do actors Beau and Jeff share with their father Lloyd?

Derek.

The bushwhacker and outlaw Ned Kelly was born in which country?

Canada.

What 'T' is the answer to any addition sum?

Takeaway.

Cantonese and Mandarin are languages which originated in which country?

Spain.

Elderly people are described as being what '..in the tooth'?

Old.

The longest day of the year occurs in which month?

Winter.

What is thirty-nine times two ?

Sixty-four.

What is three hundred and sixty divided by three?

One hundred and sixty.

An annual event takes place how many times a year?

Twelve.

A usual sign for a pawnbrokers shop is how many brass balls?

Five.

What is the capital city of Chile?

Peru.

Juan Peron was the president of which South American country?

Peru.

What is thirty-four minus fourteen?

Twenty-six.

What is twelve plus thirteen?

Thirty-five.

The Johnny Cash song was called 'A Boy Named..' what?

Joe.

Following the death of Roosevelt in 1945 who became US president?

Abraham Lincoln.

What is 358 minus 357?

Four.

The word 'ape' is an anagram of which small vegetable?

Apple.

Which three-letter word means to cut grass?

Trim.

What is a quarter plus a quarter?

An eighth.

What country has the highest number of Portuguese speakers?

Spain.

Vietnam has land borders with Laos and Cambodia and which other country?

America.

Which Indian leader, whose last name began with 'G', took the name Mahatma?

Geronimo.

Which organ of the human body is used for smelling and breathing?

The lungs.

Which Cluedo character has a military rank?

Colonel Sanders

Dating In The Early 1960s

”Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

It's not absolutely necessary, but readers who can remember this era may enjoy this the most...

It was a hot Saturday evening in the summer of 1960 and Fred had a date with Peggy Sue.

He arrived at her house and rang the bell.

"Oh, come on in!" Peggy Sue's mother said as she welcomed Fred in. "Have a seat in the living room. Would you like something to drink? Lemonade? Iced tea?"

"I'll have an Iced tea, please," Fred said.

Mom brought the iced tea.

"So, what are you and Peggy planning to do tonight?" she asked.

"Oh, probably catch a movie, and then maybe grab a bite to eat at the malt shop, maybe take a walk on the beach..."

"Peggy likes to screw, you know," Mom informed him.

"What???" Fred spluttered, his mouthful of iced tea almost launching itself across the room.

"Uh...really?" he continued, eyebrows raised, as he tried to gather his wits about him. He wasn’t at all used to this type of liberal parenting, which was very progressive for the early 1960s.

"Oh, yes!" the mother continued very matter-of-factly. "When she goes out with her friends, that's all they do!"

"Is that so?" asked Fred, incredulous.

"Yes," the mother continued. "As a matter of fact, she'd screw all night if we let her, but of course we don't!"

"Er no, I suppose not," Fred answered, still surprised that Peggy Sue’s parents would countenance such a thing at all.

"Well, thanks for the tip," he continued as he quickly began thinking about alternate plans for the evening.

A wicked smile began to play on his lips.

A moment later, Peggy Sue came down the stairs looking pretty as a picture. She was wearing a pink blouse and full circle skirt, and had her long hair tied back in a bouncy ponytail. She greeted Fred.

"Have fun, kids," the mother said as they left.

Fred was sure that they would.

Half an hour later, a completely disheveled Peggy Sue burst into the house and slammed the front door behind her.

"Whatever is wrong, darling?" her puzzled mother inquired.

"The Twist, Mom! It's the twist!!" Peggy Sue angrily yelled at her mother.

"The damned dance is called the TWIST! "

;)

Statistical Summer Saturday

”Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

A day for fasab factoid fans. 

Here is a selection of statistics and odd facts that I hope you find interesting. 

If she were life-size Barbie's measurements would be 39-23-33

Coca-cola was originally green

The Hawaiian alphabet has 12 letters

The first novel ever written on a typewriter was "Tom Sawyer"

Why do you need a driver's license to buy liquor in America when you can't drink and drive?

There are more collect calls on Father's Day than any other day of the year

Heinz Catsup leaving the bottle travels at 25 miles PER YEAR

It is possible to lead a cow upstairs but not downstairs

Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii?

Men get hiccups more often than women

Men can read smaller print than women; women can hear better

The chances that an American lives within 50 miles of where he/she grew up are 1 in 2.

The amount American Airlines saved in 1987 by eliminating one olive from each salad served in first class was $440,000

The city with the most Rolls Royces per capita is Hong Kong

The State with the highest percentage of people who walk to work is Alaska

How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work in the mornings?

The chances of a white Christmas in New York are 1 in 4

The portion of US annual rainfall that falls in April is 1/12

28 percent of Africa is wilderness

38 percent of North America is wilderness

An estimated 44 percent of American adults go on a diet each year

43 percent of Americans regularly attend religious services

The city with the highest per capita viewership of TV evangelists is Washington DC

80 percent of American men say they would marry the same woman if they had it to do all over again

50 percent of American women say they would marry the same man

58 percent of men say they are happier after their divorce or separation

85 percent of women say they are happier

Hallmark makes cards for 105 different familial relationships

The average number of people airborne over the US any given hour is 61,000

70 percent of Americans have visited Disneyland or Disney World

The average life span of a major league baseball is 7 pitches

1/3 of all ice cream sold is vanilla

1/3 of potatoes sold are French-fried

7 percent of Americans eat at McDonalds each day

90 percent of bird species are monogamous

3 percent of mammal species are monogamous

Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?

If 7-11 is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, why are there locks on the doors?

=================