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Inflate Your Tires By All Means, But Then Hide Your Bicycle Pump Where It Cannot Tempt You.

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

Yesterday’s post was about how a few idiots had met their demise, or failed to, when they attempted to kill themselves. Today the theme is continued with another curious case, but one of the accidental variety.

I must say this was a new one to me. Just when you think you’ve heard of everything something new and unexpected turns up. This time it turned up in Thailand.

“The government must crack down on this disgusting craze of 'Pumping'", a spokesman for the Nakhon Ratchasima hospital told reporters. "If this perversion catches on, it will destroy the cream of Thailand's manhood."

He was speaking after the remains of 13 year-old Charnchai Puanmuangpak had been rushed into the hospital's emergency room.

"Most 'Pumpers' use a standard bicycle pump," he explained, "inserting the nozzle far up their rectum, giving themselves a rush of air, creating a momentary high. This act is a sin against God."

It appears that the young Charnchai took it further still.

He started using a two-cylinder foot pump, but even that wasn't exciting enough for him, so he boasted to friends that he was going to try the compressed air hose at a nearby gasoline station.

They dared him to do it, so, under cover of darkness, he snuck in.

Not realizing how powerful the machine was, he inserted the tube deep into his rectum, and placed a coin in the slot (of the machine, I think).

As a result, he died virtually instantly, leaving passers-by still in shock.

One woman thought she was watching a twilight fireworks display, and started clapping.

"We still haven't located all of him", say the police authorities. "When that quantity of air interacted with the gas in his system, he nearly exploded. It was like an atom bomb went off or something."

"Pumping is the devil's pastime, and we must all say no to Satan," Ratchasima concluded. "Inflate your tires by all means, but then hide your bicycle pump where it cannot tempt you."

A Lot Of Idiots Kill Themselves….But….

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

A lot of idiots kill themselves accidently. I’ve highlighted a few examples on this blog of people whose stupidity led to their demise.

But some do it on purpose.

If they are really dumb, however, they don’t quite manage to do it the way they had planned.

Here are some examples.

1. Objective Attained – Method Unexpected

Frenchman Jacques LeFevrier left nothing to chance when he decided to commit suicide.

He stood at the top of a tall cliff and tied a noose around his neck.

He tied the other end of the rope to a large rock.

He then drank some poison.

Then he set fire to his clothes.

He even tried to shoot himself at the last moment.

The plan seemed foolproof. Alas it was not.

As he jumped he fired the pistol.

However, the bullet missed him completely and instead cut through the rope above him.

Free of the threat of hanging, he plunged into the sea.

The sudden dunking extinguished the flames and made him vomit the poison.

He was dragged out of the water by a kind fisherman and was taken to a hospital, where he subsequently died of hypothermia.

There must have been an easier way.

2. Strike another one Elvita!

One Sunday while on a visit to the Empire State Building in New York City, Elvita Adams clambered over an 8 foot high iron fence surrounding the observation deck at about 8.25pm.

She jumped off the building and plummeted earthwards.

But only for a few feet.

A strong gust of wind, possibly as high as 30mph, pushed her back towards the building and she landed on a balcony on the 85th floor, with nothing more than a broken leg.

Asked why she had wanted to commit suicide she said it was because she had been a failure at everything she tried.

Strike another one Elvita!

3. She Fell For Him Big Time

Back in France again, suicides in the Eiffel Tower are apparently quite common. In fact France has one of the highest suicide rates at 17.5 suicides per 1000 people!

Killing yourself with the 1,063 foot “Iron Lady” is the third most popular French suicide method behind poisoning and hanging (both of which the guy in the first incident tried unsuccessfully).

A few times, people have attempted to kill themselves but failed to do so. One man was blown onto a rafter by the wind and he was spared. But the most curious case was one in which a woman who jumped, landed on the roof of a car and later married the man who owned it!

Boy did she fall for him!!!

4. Taxi!

In Buenos Aires, Argentina, a woman threw herself off the 23^rd floor balcony of the Hotel Crown Plaza Panamericano in an apparent suicide bid. However her attempt failed when a taxi caught in traffic below cushioned her fall.

Although the impact of her landing on the car shattered its windscreen and made a huge dent in its roof, the impact was not hard enough to end her life.

Instead, the 30-year-old woman was left with broken hips, ribs and significant internal bleeding.

The driver of the taxi, Miguel Cajal, told a local TV station that he noticed policemen stopping traffic and were looking upward. This made him instinctively jump out of his car.

“I got out of the car a second before. If I had not got out, I would have been killed,” the BBC quoted him as saying. The impact, he added, “made a terrible noise.”

Hurrah! It’s Another Meet More Morons Monday!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

Yes, Monday has rolled round again. And that means it’s time to meet more morons from the quiz show answers archive.

As always, a warning to those of a nervous disposition – this post contains some extreme stupidity, so handle with care.

Enjoy!

Q: Like "sugar bowl", a bowl that's named for the substance it contains   

A: Toilet bowl

Q: Name something your body has that begins with the letter "L"

A: Lice 

Q: Name something that makes you feel uneasy all day long if you forget to do it in the morning

A: Get dressed 

Q: Name a vegetable you stuff 

A: Brussels sprouts

A: Watermelon 

Q: Name a kind of place where it's smart to know where the exits are      

A: Church         

Q: Name something a man might buy his girlfriend a pair of       

A: Boobs

Q: Name an expensive holiday, besides Christmas        

A: Wedding      

Q: What is a slang name for policeman?

A: Dick

Q: What is something that you have to do to get your husband's attention during the Super Bowl?          

A: Take off your clothes

Q: What is the longest you've ever been on the telephone?

A: Alaska         

Q: Name a real or fictional, a famous Willie        

A: Willie-the-Pooh         

Q: Name a beverage you stir before drinking     

A: Water          

Q: Name a food that makes noise when you eat it          

A: A really loud hamburger         

Q: Name something a duck and a chicken have in common        

A: They quack  

Q: Name another word for sleep

A: Sleeping

A: A coma

Q: What is a slang word for "wife"?       

A: Bitch           

Q: Name something that is transplanted

A: Brain

Q: Name a noisy bird    

A: Chipmunk    

Q: Name something you would cheat on if you knew you wouldn't get caught     

A: Family Feud 

Q: Name a street name that is common to cities all over the US  

A: Hollywood Boulevard 

Q: Name something you tune    

A: Fish 

Q: What shouldn't you do in someone else's car?          

A: Pass gas

A: Get arrested

Q: Name a game played on a table besides cards         

A: Poker          

Q: Name something you rent for a party

A: Food

Q: Name a party game that would be more fun to play in the nude          

A: Monopoly

A: Chess          

Q: Name a vegetable you marinate        

A: Grapes        

Q: Name something you'd hate to discover was living in your attic          

A: Furniture      

Q: Name something Russia is famous for          

A: Russians     

Q: Name a farm animal that the farmer may grow so fond of, he might not want to eat it  

A: Dog

Q: Name something a teenage boy can do for hours      

A: Masturbate   

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Beware, Idiots At Work!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

This is a short selection of stories taken from the internet. I have no idea whether they are true or not, but they are amusing, and as we know, stranger things have happened.

Enjoy.

We had to have the garage door repaired. The Sears repairman told us that one of our problems was that we did not have a 'large' enough motor on the opener.

I thought for a minute, and said that we had the largest one Sears made at that time, a 1/2 horsepower.

He shook his head and said, 'Lady, you need a 1/4 horsepower.'

I responded that 1/2 was larger than 1/4.

He said, 'NO, it's not. Four is larger than two...'

We haven't used Sears repair since.

- - - - - - - - - -

My daughter and I went through the McDonald's take-out window and I gave the clerk a $5 bill. Our total was $4.25, so I also handed her a quarter.

She said, 'You gave me too much money.'

I said, 'Yes I know, but this way you can just give me a dollar bill back.'

She sighed and went to get the manager who asked me to repeat my request.

I did so, and he handed me back the quarter, and said 'We're sorry but we cannot do that kind of thing.'

The clerk then proceeded to give me back $1 and 75 cents in change..

Do not confuse the clerks at McD's.

- - - - - - - - - -

I live in a semi rural area. We recently had a new neighbor call the local township administrative office to request the removal of the DEER CROSSING sign on our road.

The reason: 'Too many deer are being hit by cars out here! I don't think this is a good place for them to be crossing anymore.'

- - - - - - - - - -

My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a taco. She asked the person behind the counter for 'minimal lettuce.'

He said he was sorry, but they only had iceberg lettuce.

- - - - - - - - - -

I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport employee asked, 'Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?'

To which I replied, 'If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?'

He smiled knowingly and nodded, 'That's why we ask.'

- - - - - - - - - -

The stoplight on the corner buzzes when it's safe to cross the street. I was crossing with an intellectually challenged coworker of mine.

She asked if I knew what the buzzer was for.

I explained that it signals blind people when the light is red.

Appalled, she responded, 'What on earth are blind people doing driving?!'

She was a probation officer in Wichita , KS

- - - - - - - - - -

At a good-bye luncheon for an old and dear coworker. She was leaving the company due to 'downsizing.'

Our manager commented cheerfully, 'This is fun. We should do this more often.'

Not another word was spoken. We all just looked at each other with that deer-in-the- headlights stare.

This was a lunch at Texas Instruments.

- - - - - - - - - -

I work with an individual who plugged her power strip back into itself and for the sake of her life, couldn't understand why her system would not turn on.

A deputy with the Dallas County Sheriffs office, no less.

- - - - - - - - - -

When my husband and I arrived at an automobile dealership to pick up our car, we were told the keys had been locked in it.

We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the driver side door.

As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked.

'Hey,' I announced to the technician, 'Its open!'

His reply, 'I know. I already got that side.'

This was at the Ford dealership in Canton , MS.

- - - - - - - - - -

And finally!!

When I left Hawaii and was transferred to Florida I still had the Hawaiian plates on my car, as my car was shipped from Hawaii .

I was parking somewhere (I can't remember) and a guy asked me "Wow, you drove from Hawaii to here?"

I looked at him and quickly said "Yep. I took the Hawaii/San Francisco Bridge".

He nodded his head and said "Cool!"

==================

A Very Strange Case Of Mistaken Identity

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

Throughout history opposing factions, whether in politics, racial campaigns, sports competitions or even wars, have used cartoons as a medium to promote their side and to denigrate the opposition.

Nowhere was this better seen than during WWII when both sides used thousands of derogatory cartoons to depict the 'enemy'.

But one of the most humorous incidents occurred much earlier, during the Napoleonic war between France and England.

It allegedly took place in the little town of Hartlepool on the north-east coast of England.

As part of the propaganda campaign in England during this war the enemy, the French, had been portrayed as short and hairy, sort of monkey-like. The cartoon below will give you the idea.  

Also, during the Napoleonic Wars there was great fear that the French had plans to invade Britain and therefore much public concern about the possibility of French infiltrators and spies.

As a consequence the fishermen of Hartlepool kept a close watch on French vessels sailing near the English coast.

One day, as they watched, a French vessel was seen struggling against a storm. It took a severe battering in the rough seas and eventually sunk.

The Hartlepool fishermen then turned their attention to the wreckage washed ashore.

Among the wreckage lay one wet and sorrowful looking survivor. It was the ship's pet monkey and, to amuse the sailors, it had been dressed in a military style uniform.

Stupid individuals are one thing, annoying but they can be handled. Group stupidity on the other hand is extremely dangerous. The stupidity level seems to increase by at least ten times the number of morons gathered together. I’m sure there’s a mathematical formula for this, there should be.

So, severely intellectually challenged, and thinking they had captured the enemy, the Hartlepool fishermen apparently questioned the monkey and held a beach-based trial.

Unfamiliar with what a Frenchman looked like, and unable to understand what he (the monkey) was saying (presumably “ooh ooh aah”, as opposed to “oh la la”), they came to the conclusion that this poor primate was a French spy.

They quickly sentenced the French spy (monkey) to death and the unfortunate creature was hanged, with the mast of a fishing boat (a coble) providing a convenient gallows.

A very strange case of mistaken identity indeed!

Friday’s Facebook Flop Status Quo? Down Down Deeper And Down

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

Way back towards the end of May I wrote a post with a big ‘F’-ing title about the greed-inspired stupidity and madness that preceded the Facebook IPO. Remember, “Furious Flabbergasted Facebook Fools Face Frightening Falls From Fanciful Flagging Financial Flotation Farce”? 

Launched at the ridiculous price of $38 a share, or about 100 times the company's earnings, the price momentarily made it to $45, but then quickly plummeted to $34. 

In my post in May I suggested that the shares were worth more like $18 a share rather than $38. As of yesterday (August 16th) the price had fallen below $20.

I'm not saying this by way of blowing my trumpet, because I now think that my $18 peg may have been rather optimistic too. Investors have by and large turned against Facebook.

Apart from the odd blip, the stock has been on a downward trend pressured by disappointing earnings and by the fact that from today the so-called "lockups" that have prevented some early Facebook backers from unloading their stakes begin to expire. This simply means they will be able to sell shares into the market and with around two billion shares eligible for a sell off between now and May 2013, with a big one coming in November, the signs for a price recovery are ominous.

In fact further falls are more than likely.

Those who can are shorting the stock like crazy. (Shorting is where your broker borrows shares which you sell immediately in the hope that you can buy them back later at a lower price.)

The number of Facebook shares on loan to short sellers has risen from 63 million a month ago to more than 93 million.

So is it a good buy now at $18? I think not. Not for a while anyhow, until these locked shares find their way into the market and the price stabilizes and that will probably be well into 2013.

In the short term the status quo is probably down down deeper and down.

Forget Facebook and enjoy some music from the 70s instead.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IKe2OfXLxuc

The small print.

Fasab disclaimer: this blog post does not constitute professional advice as regards investments on the stock exchange, such advice would only be given and indicated thus if an outrageous fee were being charged and this blog is being given to you for free. Also any investor should always be aware that shares can fall as well as plummet and should act accordingly by not investing any money they can not afford to lose.

Back To Normal This Monday And That Means More Quiz Show Answers

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

Yes, it’s time to assess the level of general intelligence of the average contestant on television quiz shows. I suppose as ever this post should come with a severe stupidity warning for those of a nervous disposition.

Here we go.

Enjoy!

Q: Name something a caveman would put on his to-do list         

A: Buy a car

Q: Name a fictional island         

A: Rhode Island

Q: Name a fast food restaurant with somebody's first or last name in the title     

A: Burger King

Q: Name something twins share while growing up          

A: Mother's breast        

Q: Name a man's name beginning with the letter K         

A: Kentucky Fried Chicken        

Q: Name an excuse that a girl gives not to invite you in after a date        

A: Her husband is home

Q: Name a president who served two full terms  

A: Abraham Lincoln

Q: Name a thing or place dogs are known to drink from 

A: A hydrant     

Q: Name an animal with three letters in its name 

A: Frog

A: Alligator       

Q: Name something made of leather that a cowboy uses           

A: Purse          

Q: Name a yellow fruit  

A: Orange        

Q: How often a newlywed couple makes love    

A: Three times a day

Q: Name something you often misplace in your car        

A: Steering wheel          

Q: Name something that works better after it's been broken in    

A: Husband      

Q: Name something everyone knows about Cinderella    

A: She could talk to animals      

Q: Name a way parents reward children 

A: Time out      

Q: Name a sport husbands and wives can play together 

A: Kickball

Q: Name something specific kids leave behind when they move out of the house           

A: Their parents

A: A blender

A: Boyfriend/Girlfriend   

Q: Name something the English are famous for 

A: Driving on the wrong side of the road  

Q: Name something on a chihuahua that's tiny   

A: Its Peter

Q: Name a hobby people take up for the thrills involved 

A: Stamp collecting       

Q: Name something that doesn't work without water       

A: Ice cream cone        

Q: Name something you make out of flowers    

A: Cookies       

Q: Name something people do clothed that others don't

A: Ride a motorcycle     

Q: Name a product that, according to its commercials, will make you more popular         

A: Toilet paper

Q: Besides an airplane, something man-made that flies  

A: A jet

Q: Name a vacation city where you would need a lot of money   

A: Hawaii

A: Europe         

Q: Name something you see along the side of a street   

A: Carnage       

Q: Name something a hostess does to let her guests know it's time to leave       

A: Goes to bed 

Q: Name something of yours that you hit when it's not working properly 

A: Your spouse 

Q: Name one of the seven dwarfs         

A: Snoopy

=================================