Three Interesting Letters Of Rejection

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

I wrote a post last week about now famous and successful authors who had been the victims of intellectually challenged publishers and who as a consequence had suffered the indignity of receiving letters and comments rejecting their work. (Possibly The Most Rejected Book Manuscript In The World) 

Back on the theme of rejection letters I found a few other examples that I thought were interesting and, I hope, amusing. Here are three of the best.

Enjoy.

The first was sent to an aspiring author of a novel. It was either a very bad manuscript or the publisher was having a particularly bad day.  

Dear Bad Writer,

Unfortunately it falls to me to inform you that Harlequin will not be publishing your novel, Kisses In January.

While it is customary to send out a form letter in cases of such rejection, your novel was so strikingly inept, I felt I had to say a few words.

One, you are not welcome to submit any future work to our offices.

Two, both myself and my assistant are considering legal action against you for wasting our valuable time with your relentless tripe.

Among the areas needing vast improvement: Description, character development, and dialogue. The less said about the love scenes the better.

Should this novel have been published, it would have likely resulted in the end of modern book sales.

Trying to Forget,

Judith P Esterman, Editor

Harlequin American Romance.

-----

The second is a curious letter of rejection. In fact you could say it is a rejecting rejection letter.

Herbert A. Millington
Chair – Search Committee
412A Clarkson Hall, Whitson University
College Hill, MA 34109

Dear Professor Millington,

Thank you for your letter of March 16. After careful consideration, I regret to inform you that I am unable to accept your refusal to offer me an assistant professor position in your department.

This year I have been particularly fortunate in receiving an unusually large number of rejection letters. With such a varied and promising field of candidates, it is impossible for me to accept all refusals.

Despite Whitson’s outstanding qualifications and previous experience in rejecting applicants, I find that your rejection does not meet my needs at this time. Therefore, I will assume the position of assistant professor in your department this August. I look forward to seeing you then.

Best of luck in rejecting future applicants.

Sincerely,
Chris L. Jensen

-----

And the third is perhaps the letter we have all secretly wanted to write at some time in our lives. It is a farewell letter from someone who worked in the Dublin office of Ernst & Young. Now this is closure!

My leaving letter:

Dear Co-Workers,

As many of you probably know, tomorrow is my last day. But before I leave, I wanted to take this opportunity to let you know what a great and distinct pleasure it has been to type "Tomorrow is my last day."

For nearly as long as I've worked here, I've hoped that I might one day leave this company. And now that this dream has become a reality, please know that I could not have reached this goal without your unending lack of support. Words cannot express my gratitude for the words of gratitude you did not express.

I would especially like to thank all of my managers: in an age where miscommunication is all too common, you consistently impressed and inspired me with the sheer magnitude of your misinformation. It takes a strong man to admit his mistake - it takes a stronger man to attribute his mistake to me.

Over the year and a half, you have taught me more than I could ever ask for and, in most cases, ever did ask for. I have been fortunate enough to work with some absolutely interchangeable supervisors on a wide variety of seemingly identical projects - an invaluable lesson in overcoming daily tedium in overcoming daily tedium in overcoming daily tedium.

Your demands were high and your patience short, but I take great solace knowing that my work was, as stated on my annual review, "mostly satisfactory." That is the type of praise that sends a man home happy after even a ‘10 hour’ day, smiling his way through half a bottle of mostly satisfactory scotch.

And to most of my peers: even though we barely acknowledged each other within these office walls, I hope that in the future, should we pass on the street, you will regard me the same way as I regard you: sans eye contact.

But to those few souls with whom I've actually interacted, here are my personalized notes of farewell:

To Caulfield: I will always remember sharing lunch with you, despite having clearly labeled it with my name.

To Mairead: I will miss detecting your flatulence as much as you will clearly miss walking past my cubicle to deliver it.

To Linda: Best wishes on your ongoing campaign to popularize these "email forwards." I sincerely hope you receive that weekend full of good luck, that hug from an old friend, and that baby for your dusty womb.

And finally, to Kat: you were right - I tested positive. We'll talk later.

So, in parting, if I could pass on any word of advice to the individual who will soon be filling my position, it would be to cherish this experience like a sponge and soak it up like a good woman, because a job opportunity like this comes along only once in a lifetime.

Meaning: if I had to work here again in this lifetime, I would sooner kill myself.

Very truly yours,

Cian Kelliher

PS: I will be throwing myself a happy hour farewell party at the Oden 5.30 tomorrow evening if anybody is interested in drinks!

=================

Courting Disasters

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

No, not the romantic kind of courting disasters, not this time anyhow. Today it’s another selection from the courts.

You may forgive the witness and jury member responses (although some of them are really dumb), but it is hard to believe when you read some of this that these lawyers have had the benefit of an expensive education.

Money and time wasted?

Judge for yourselves.

Enjoy.

But first a joke….

A witness to an automobile accident was testifying in court.

The following exchange took place between the lawyer and the witness:

The lawyer: "Did you actually see the accident?"

The witness: "Yes, sir."

The lawyer: "How far away were you when the accident happened?"

The witness: "Thirty-one feet, six and one quarter inches."

The lawyer (thinking he'd trap the witness): "Well, sir, will you tell the jury how you knew it was
exactly that distance?"

The witness: "Because when the accident happened I took out a tape and measured it. I knew some stupid lawyer would ask me that question."

Defendant: I remember when I was in your courtroom in 1956 when you was a municipal judge

Counsel: I don’t think we should go into that

Defendant: Not guilty, too

Counsel: Well, we all make mistakes, sir, but you didn’t make one

Defendant: Well you made one, I was guilty

District Attorney: Okay. How much earlier had you used cocaine?

Defendant: I was getting high all that day

District Attorney: All right. So you were using cocaine. Were you free-basing cocaine?

Defendant: No I bought it.

Counsel: Okay. Now let me ask you again, had you been drinking that day? Alcohol, I mean?

Defendant: Uh-huh

Counsel: Had you?

Defendant’s Counsel  Answer it audibly

Counsel: Had you been drinking alcohol that day?

Defendant: Audibly

Counsel: What were you drinking, beer or what?

Defendant: Uh-huh

Counsel: Beer?

Defendant: Audibly

District Attorney: Judge, I would object to Counsel’s characterization of this disagreement. He is giving a one-sided view.

Judge:  Of course he is. That is what you expect of a trial attorney

Judge:  Please begin

Counsel: Thank you

Q. (to witness) Miss, while you have, if you do have – you still- oh, you don’t.

Judge: That was a great start, counsel

Judge:  Are all of the defendants black?

Counsel #1:  My client is white

Counsel #2:  My client is described in the police report as mulatto

Judge: How do you describe her?

Counsel #2:  Pregnant

Counsel:  Your Honor, the defense would argue the People haven’t proved the prior conviction.

District Attorney: Oh shit!

Counsel:  That’s a legal term?

Judge:  One used quite often in law school

District Attorney: Did the defendant make any other statements to you at that time?

Witness: He told me he had the best lawyer in Los Angeles and that I didn’t have a case

Counsel: I’ll stipulate to that, Your Honor

Q: What about the research?

A:  I don’t think there is any research on that. There’s a logical hunch that may be true, but I know of no research study that would support that at this point in time.

Q: What about just common sense?

A: Well I am not here using common sense. I am here as an expert.

Q: How long would it take for a sphincter spasm to heal, Doctor?

A: Sphincter spasm is not a disease process. I mean, as you stand there, you can have a sphincter spasm if you wanted to.

Q: I could have a sphincter spasm right now if I wanted to?

A: Just tighten your sphincter and that is your sphincter spasm. Try it.

Q: Can you have one right now, Doctor?

A: Yeah, I think we all can

Q: Deputy, showing your photographs numbers 3 and 4, can you identify those?

A: Those were photographs taken at our sheriff’s headquarters.

Q: Do you recognize the individuals in the photographs?

A: Yes, sir

Q: And, in Exhibit No. 3, do you recognize that subject?

A: Yes sir

Q: How do you recognize him?

A: There’s a name card in front of him.

Court breaks into laughter

Judge: Oh, I love that. We don’t get paid much, but we do have a good time.

Q: Officer have you ever cut yourself?

A: Yes sir

Q: When you cut yourself did anything come out?

A: Yes sir

Q: What color was that?

Counsel:  I objet Your Honor as irrelevant

Judge: Overruled

A: It was red

Q: Did that red substance that came out appear to be similar to the red substance you saw at the scene?

A: Yes sir

Q: Does that red substance have a name?

A: Yes Sir, it does

Q: What is it called?

A: Blood

=========================

Stupid Bureaucrats Make Stupid Rules, And Get Even Stupider People to Enforce Them

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

 

 

One of the things that this blog is supposed to do is highlight the stupidity of needlessly meddling bureaucracy.

 

I recently read a reprint of an article by New York Times writer Anand Giridharadas about  governmental meddling. It went like this:

"Say you want to start a home catering business in New York city. According to the city government, you'd need, among other things,

• a food protection certificate,
• a food service establishment permit,
• a gas authorization, 
• professionally installed range hoods,
• a licensed carting company for waste,
• registration as a sales tax vendor
• compliance with portable fire extinguisher rules
• and the unincorporated business tax."

That's a pretty formidable list; and it doesn't even include state and federal registrations and compliance.

 

It’s just one small example. There are a similar host of needless rules and regulations in every industry whether it be construction, catering, or whatever. The stupid rules are enforced by equally stupid people. And it is crushing the life out of businesses.

 

Although a lot of the regulations you read about on the internet are not for real, nevertheless the European Union is notorious for passing idiotic and unnecessary legislation. And to be quite candid the US government is no better. It now has an "alphabet agency" for just about everything for no other reason in many cases other than to watch, track and tightly control virtually everything that we do.  In 1936, the Federal Register, which is the main source of regulations for U.S. government agencies consisted of about 2,600 pages; today, it is over 80,000 pages long and growing.

A recent article on a web site called businessinsider.com went on…

But it is not just the federal government that is ramming thousands of ridiculous regulations down our throats.  The truth is that in many cases state and local governments are far worse.  We have become a nation that is run and dominated by bureaucrats.  Yes, there always must be rules in a society, but we have gotten to the point where there are so many millions of rules that the game has become unplayable.

 

Here are a few examples. While you are reading them, just think about the warped minds that think up this stuff, but then also think about why we (the normal people) continue to tolerate this nonsense. And it is getting worse at an alarmingly accelerating rate.

 

They are more absurd than funny, but the last one might even throw a scare into you!

 

 

 

The state of Louisiana says that monks must be fully licensed as funeral directors and actually convert their monasteries into licensed funeral homes before they will be allowed to sell their handmade wooden caskets.

 

In the state of Massachusetts, all children in daycare centers are mandated by state law to brush their teeth after lunch.  In fact, the state even provides the fluoride toothpaste for the children.

 

Federal agents recently raided an Amish farm at 5am in the morning because they were selling "unauthorized" raw milk.

 

In Lake Elmo, Minnesota farmers can be fined $1000 and put in jail for 90 days for selling pumpkins or Christmas trees that are grown outside city limits.

 

A U.S. District Court judge slapped a $500 fine on Massachusetts fisherman Robert J. Eldridge for untangling a giant whale from his nets and setting it free.  So what was his crime?  Well, according to the court, Eldridge was supposed to call state authorities and wait for them do it.

 

In the state of Texas, it doesn't matter how much formal interior design education you have – only individuals with government licenses may refer to themselves as "interior designers" or use the term "interior design" to describe their work.

 

Deeply hidden in the 2,409-page health reform bill passed by Congress was a new regulation that will require U.S. businesses to file millions more 1099s each year.  In fact, it is estimated that the average small business will now have to file 200 additional 1099s every single year.  Talk about a nightmare of red tape!  But don't try to avoid this rule - it is being reported that the IRS has hired approximately 2,000 new auditors to audit as many of these 1099s as possible.

 

The city of Milwaukee, Wisconsin makes it incredibly difficult to go out of business. In order to close down a business, Milwaukee requires you to purchase an expensive license, you must submit a huge pile of paperwork to the city regarding the inventory you wish to sell off, and you must pay a fee based on the length of your "going out of business sale" plus a two dollar charge for every $1,000 worth of inventory that you are attempting to sell off.

 

The U.S. Food and Drug Administration is projecting that the food service industry will have to spend an additional 14 million hours every single year just to comply with new federal regulations that mandate that all vending machine operators and chain restaurants must label all products that they sell with a calorie count in a location visible to the consumer.

 

The city of Philadelphia now requires all bloggers to purchase a $300 business privilege license.  The city even went after one poor woman who had earned only $11 from her blog over the past two years.

:o()

The Longest Post Ever! But It’s Not My Fault, Blame The Idiocrats.

*** rant warning *** so brace yourselves.

The subtitle of this blog is “Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”. Now it’s all well and good saying that, I repeat it at the beginning of almost all of my posts. But what gets lost at times is just how important a phrase this has become.

We are now in the process in countries like the United States and UK of letting once great nations to be destroyed for no other reason than we have allowed the morons in our society to take over. The people who should be told what to do are now in positions where they are dictating to us.

Their solution to everything is to spend more than they have – arithmetic is not their strong suit – on things we don’t need. Then when they find themselves in catastrophic debt they set about fleecing the small businessman and hard-working individual for more money.

They create completely unnecessary and deliberately complex tax rules and regulations, the number of pages in the US tax code, for example, has increased by over 16,775 percent during the past 100 years! This in turn leads to Americans wasting an incredible 7.6 billion hours each year doing their taxes and having to hire over one million accountants to help them – all at a cost of almost $30 billion (that’s Billion with a ‘B’).

The big banks, run by greedy and extraordinarily stupid people (the best we have Obama says!) who have lost hundreds of billion of dollars and plunged the whole country into financial turmoil, are too big to fail. But ordinary individuals and small business owners are allowed to go bust every month and those that survive are harassed and investigated for the least mistake so that maybe another $1000 can be wrung out of them. On the other hand, multinational corporations get away with almost everything for no other reason than they have the money to employ the best accountants and lawyers who are more than a match for their IRS counterparts.

In 2008 for example, GE made $10.3 billion in pre-tax income, but didn't have to pay a single cent in taxes. In 2009 Bank of America paid no taxes, even though it made $4.4 billion income. Also in 2009 Molson Coors not only paid no taxes, but was actually paid $14.7 million by the government. There are lots of other examples.

The loopholes and mechanisms these large corporations used are not important here, what we need to focus on is that there is something inherently wrong with the system that allows such inequalities. The solution is easy; simplify the system, level the playing field; give the little guy the same chance as the large corporation.

But that’s only half the problem. The other half is what the stupid bureaucrats do with the money.

The State of California is a good example. As well as all the federal taxes, California extracts a host of state taxes, including significant property taxes, from its citizens. And, despite the best efforts of the Terminator, California is still bust!

Why? Because most of the money it collects, and a lot more that it doesn’t have, is used to prop up the system of little empires the self-important idiocrats have created and are still creating regardless of the obvious financial woes.  

The scale of the problem is horrendous, far worse than most people imagine. I don’t expect anyone to read the list below, but even scrolling through it should at the very least make you shake your head in amazement.

And this is just California!   

*** End rant! ***

Feast your eyes on the work of the idiocracy….

State of California Bureaucracy:

California Academic Performance Index (API)

California Access for Infants and Mothers

California Acupuncture Board

California Administrative Office of the Courts

California Adoptions Branch

California African American Museum

California Agricultural Export Program

California Agricultural Labor Relations Board

California Agricultural Statistics Service

California Air Resources Board (CARB)

California Allocation Board

California Alternative Energy and Advanced Transportation Financing Authority

California Animal Health and Food Safety Services

California Anti-Terrorism Information Center

California Apprenticeship Council

California Arbitration Certification Program

California Architects Board

California Area VI Developmental Disabilities Board

California Arts Council

California Asian Pacific Islander Legislative Caucus

California Assembly Democratic Caucus

California Assembly Republican Caucus

California Athletic Commission

California Attorney General

California Bay Conservation and Development Commission

California Bay-Delta Authority

California Bay-Delta Office

California Biodiversity Council

California Board for Geologists and Geophysicists

California Board for Professional Engineers and Land Surveyors

California Board of Accountancy

California Board of Barbering and Cosmetology

California Board of Behavioral Sciences

California Board of Chiropractic Examiners

California Board of Equalization (BOE)

California Board of Forestry and Fire Protection

California Board of Guide Dogs for the Blind

California Board of Occupational Therapy

California Board of Optometry

California Board of Pharmacy

California Board of Podiatric Medicine

California Board of Prison Terms

California Board of Psychology

California Board of Registered Nursing

California Board of Trustees

California Board of Vocational Nursing and Psychiatric Technicians

California Braille and Talking Book Library

California Building Standards Commission

California Bureau for Private Postsecondary and Vocational Education

California Bureau of Automotive Repair

California Bureau of Electronic and Appliance Repair

California Bureau of Home Furnishings and Thermal Insulation

California Bureau of Naturopathic Medicine

California Bureau of Security and Investigative Services

California Bureau of State Audits

California Business Agency

California Business Investment Services (CalBIS)

California Business Permit Information (CalGOLD)

California Business Portal

California Business, Transportation and Housing Agency

California Cal Grants

California CalJOBS

California Cal-Learn Program

California CalVet Home Loan Program

California Career Resource Network

California Cemetery and Funeral Bureau

California Center for Analytical Chemistry

California Center for Distributed Learning

California Center for Teaching Careers (Teach California)

California Chancellors Office

California Charter Schools

California Children and Families Commission

California Children and Family Services Division

California Citizens Compensation Commission

California Civil Rights Bureau

California Coastal Commission

California Coastal Conservancy

California Code of Regulations

California Collaborative Projects with UC Davis

California Commission for Jobs and Economic Growth

California Commission on Aging

California Commission on Health and Safety and Workers Compensation

California Commission on Judicial Performance

California Commission on State Mandates

California Commission on Status of Women

California Commission on Teacher Credentialing

California Commission on the Status of Women

California Committee on Dental Auxiliaries

California Community Colleges Chancellors Office, Junior Colleges

California Community Colleges Chancellors Office

California Complaint Mediation Program

California Conservation Corps

California Constitution Revision Commission

California Consumer Hotline

California Consumer Information Center

California Consumer Information

California Consumer Services Division

California Consumers and Families Agency

California Contractors State License Board

California Corrections Standards Authority

California Council for the Humanities

California Council on Criminal Justice

California Council on Developmental Disabilities

California Court Reporters Board

California Courts of Appeal

California Crime and Violence Prevention Center

California Criminal Justice Statistics Center

California Criminalist Institute Forensic Library

California CSGnet Network Management

California Cultural and Historical Endowment

California Cultural Resources Division

California Curriculum and Instructional Leadership Branch

California Data Exchange Center

California Data Management Division

California Debt and Investment Advisory Commission

California Delta Protection Commission

California Democratic Caucus

California Demographic Research Unit

California Dental Auxiliaries

California Department of Aging

California Department of Alcohol and Drug Programs

California Department of Alcoholic Beverage Control Appeals Board

California Department of Alcoholic Beverage Control

California Department of Boating and Waterways (Cal Boating)

California Department of Child Support Services (CDCSS)

California Department of Community Services and Development

California Department of Conservation

California Department of Consumer Affairs

California Department of Corporations

California Department of Corrections and Rehabilitation

California Department of Developmental Services

California Department of Education

California Department of Fair Employment and Housing

California Department of Finance

California Department of Financial Institutions

California Department of Fish and Game

California Department of Food and Agriculture

California Department of Forestry and Fire Protection (CDF)

California Department of General Services

California Department of General Services, Office of State Publishing

California Department of Health Care Services

California Department of Housing and Community Development

Californ ia Department of Industrial Relations (DIR)

California Department of Insurance

California Department of Justice Firearms Division

California Department of Justice Opinion Unit

California Department of Justice, Consumer Information, Public Inquiry Unit

California Department of Justice

California Department of Managed Health Care

California Department of Mental Health

California Department of Motor Vehicles (DMV)

California Department of Personnel Administration

California Department of Pesticide Regulation

California Department of Public Health

California Department of Real Estate

California Department of Rehabilitation

California Department of Social Services Adoptions Branch

California Department of Social Services

California Department of Technology Services Training Center (DTSTC)

California Department of Technology Services (DTS)

California Department of Toxic Substances Control

California Department of Transportation (Caltrans)

California Department of Veterans Affairs (CalVets)

California Department of Water Resources

California Departmento de Vehiculos Motorizados

California Digital Library

California Disabled Veteran Business Enterprise Certification Program

California Division of Apprenticeship Standards

California Division of Codes and Standards

California Division of Communicable Disease Control

California Division of Engineering

California Division of Environmental and Occupational Disease Control

California Division of Gambling Control

California Division of Housing Policy Development

California Division of Labor Standards Enforcement

California Division of Labor Statistics and Research

California Division of Land and Right of Way

California Division of Land Resource Protection

California Division of Law Enforcement General Library

California Division of Measurement Standards

California Division of Mines and Geology

California Division of Occupational Safety and Health (Cal/OSHA)

California Division of Oil, Gas and Geothermal Resources

California Division of Planning and Local Assistance

California Division of Recycling

California Division of Safety of Dams

California Division of the State Architect

California Division of Tourism

California Division of Workers Compensation Medical Unit

California Division of Workers Compensation

California Economic Assistance, Business and Community Resources

California Economic Strategy Panel

California Education and Training Agency

California Education Audit Appeals Panel

California Educational Facilities Authority

California Elections Division

California Electricity Oversight Board

California Emergency Management Agency

California Emergency Medical Services Authority

California Employment Development Department (EDD)

California Employment Information State Jobs

California Employment Training Panel

California Energy Commission

California Environment and Natural Resources Agency

California Environmental Protection Agency (Cal/EPA)

California Environmental Resources Evaluation System (CERES)

California Executive Office

California Export Laboratory Services

California Exposition and State Fair (Cal Expo)

California Fair Political Practices Commission

California Fairs and Expositions Division

California Film Commission

California Fire and Resource Assessment Program

California Firearms Division

California Fiscal Services

California Fish and Game Commission

California Fisheries Program Branch

California Floodplain Management

California Foster Youth Help

California Franchise Tax Board (FTB)

California Fraud Division

California Gambling Control Commission

California Geographic I nformation Systems Council (GIS)

California Geological Survey

California Government Claims and Victim Compensation Board

California Governors Committee for Employment of Disabled Persons

California Governors Mentoring Partnership

California Governors Office of Emergency Services

California Governors Office of Homeland Security

California Governors Office of Planning and Research

California Governors Office

California Grant and Enterprise Zone Programs HCD Loan

California Health and Human Services Agency

California Health and Safety Agency

California Healthy Families Program

California Hearing Aid Dispensers Bureau

California High-Speed Rail Authority

California Highway Patrol (CHP)

California History and Culture Agency

California Horse Racing Board

California Housing Finance Agency

California Indoor Air Quality Program

California Industrial Development Financing Advisory Commission

California Industrial Welfare Commission

California InFoPeople

California Information Center for the Environment

California Infrastructure and Economic Development Bank (I-Bank)

California Inspection Services

California Institute for County Government

California Institute for Education Reform

California Integrated Waste Management Board

California Interagency Ecological Program

California Job Service

California Junta Estatal de Personal

California Labor and Employment Agency

California Labor and Workforce Development Agency

California Labor Market Information Division

California Land Use Planning Information Network (LUPIN)

California Lands Commission

California Landscape Architects Technical Committee

California Latino Legislative Caucus

California Law Enforcement Branch

California Law Enforcement General Library

California Law Revision Commission

California Legislative Analyst's Office

California Legislative Black Caucus

California Legislative Counsel

California Legislative Division

California Legislative Information

California Legislative Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender (LGBT) Caucus

California Legislature Internet Caucus

California Library De velopment Services

California License and Revenue Branch

California Major Risk Medical Insurance Program

California Managed Risk Medical Insurance Board

California Maritime Academy

California Marketing Services

California Measurement Standards

California Medical Assistance Commission

California Medical Care Services

California Military Department

California Mining and Geology Board

California Museum for History, Women, and the Arts

California Museum Resource Center

California National Guard

California Native American Heritage Commission

California Natural Community Conservation Planning Program

California New Motor Vehicle Board

California Nursing Home Administrator Program

California Occupational Safety and Health Appeals Board

California Occupational Safety and Health Standards Board

California Ocean Resources Management Program

California Office of Administrative Hearings

California Office of Administrative Law

California Office of AIDS

California Office of Binational Border Health

California Office of Child Abuse Prevention

California Office of Deaf Access

California Office of Emergency Services (OES)

California Office of Environmental Health Hazard Assessment

California Office of Fiscal Services

California Office of Fleet Administration

California Office of Health Insurance Portability and Accountability Act (HIPAA) Implementation (CalOHI)

California Office of Historic Preservation

California Office of Homeland Security

California Office of Human Resources

California Office of Legal Services

California Office of Legislation

California Office of Lieutenant Governor

California Office of Military and Aerospace Support

California Office of Mine Reclamation

California Office of Natural Resource Education

California Office of Privacy Protection

California Office of Public School Construction

California Office of Real Estate Appraisers

California Office of Risk and Insurance Management

California Office of Services to the Blind

California Office of Spill Prevention and Response

California Office of State Publishing (OSP)

California Office of Statewide Health Planning and Development

California Office of Systems Integration

California Office of the Inspector General

California Office of the Ombudsman

California Office of the Patient Advocate

California Office of the President

California Office of the Secretary for Education

California Office of the State Fire Marshal

California Office of the State Public Defender

California Office of Traffic Safety

California Office of Vital Records

California Online Directory

California Operations Control Office

California Opinion Unit

California Outreach and Technical Assistance Network (OTAN)

California Park and Recreation Commission

California Peace Officer Standards and Training (POST)

California Performance Review (CPR)

California Permit Information for Business (CalGOLD)

California Physical Therapy Board

California Physician Assistant Committee

California Plant Health and Pest Prevention Services

California Policy and Evaluation Division

California Political Reform Division

California Pollution Control Financing Authority

California Polytechnic State University, San Luis Obispo

California Postsecondary Education Commission

California Prevention Services

California Primary Care and Family Health

California Prison Industry Authority

California Procurement Division

California Public Employees Retirement System (CalPERS)

California Public Employment Relations Board (PERB)

California Public Utilities Commission (PUC)

California Real Estate Services Division

California Refugee Programs Branch

California Regional Water Quality Control Boards

California Registered Veterinary Technician Committee

California Registrar of Charitable Trusts

California Republican Caucus

California Research and Development Di vision

California Research Bureau

California Resources Agency

California Respiratory Care Board

California Rivers Assessment

California Rural Health Policy Council

California Safe Schools

California San Francisco Bay Conservation and Development Commission

California San Gabriel and Lower Los Angeles Rivers and Mountains Conservancy

California San Joaquin River Conservancy

California School to Career

California Science Center

California Scripps Institution of Oceanography

California Secretary of State Business Portal

California Secretary of State

California Seismic Safety Commission

California Self Insurance Plans (SIP)

California Senate Office of Research

California Small Business and Disabled Veteran Business Enterprise Certification Program

California Small Business Development Center Program

California Smart Growth Caucus

California Smog Check Information Center

California Spatial Information Library

California Special Education Division

California Speech-Language Pathology and Audiology Board

California Standardized Testing and Reporting (STAR)

California Standards and Assessment Division

California State Administrative Manual (SAM)

California State Allocation Board

California State and Consumer Services Agency

California State Architect

California State Archives

California State Assembly

California State Association of Counties (CSAC)

California State Board of Education

California State Board of Food and Agriculture

California Office of the Chief Information Officer (OCIO)

California State Children's Trust Fun d

California State Compensation Insurance Fund

California State Contracts Register Program

California State Contracts Register

California State Controller

California State Council on Developmental Disabilities (SCDD)

California State Disability Insurance (SDI)

California State Fair (Cal Expo)

California State Jobs Employment Information

California State Lands Commission

California State Legislative Portal

California State Legislature

California State Library Catalog

California State Library Services Bureau

California State Library

California State Lottery

California State Mediation and Conciliation Service

California State Mining and Geology Board

California State Park and Recreation Commission

California State Parks

California State Personnel Board

California State Polytechnic University, Pomona

California State Railroad Museum

California State Science Fair

California State Senate

California State Summer School for Mathematics and Science (COSMOS)

California State Summer School for the Arts

California State Superintendent of Public Instruction

California State Teachers Retirement System (CalSTRS)

California State Treasurer

California State University Center for Distributed Learning

California State University, Bakersfield

California State University, Channel Islands

California State University, Chico

California State University, Dominguez Hills

California State University, East Bay

California State University, Fresno

California State University, Fullerton

California State University, Long Beach

California State University, Los Angeles

California State University, Monterey Bay

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