Your Country Needs YOU! - If It Can Find You, That Is!!!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

A very good friend of mine, Joe, joined the military. He wasn’t a very military minded man, definitely not the soldier type, but he was patriotic and thought it was his duty to join up. A very commendable attitude.

When Joe had taken this notion he was a little bit long in the tooth for the regular forces. He wasn’t old by any means, but he wasn’t in his teens either as most new recruits are these days. So he elected to join one of the part-time militias.

On his first day Joe arrived at the assigned army camp and joined other new recruits. They were all assembled in the square-bashing quadrangle for the inevitable welcoming speeches by the Officer in Charge and then a piece of less well structured but certainly more gritty initiation from the Sgt Major.

Times being what they have been within the last decade and more the military, like many other similar organizations have taken to having random tests of readiness and security to surprise attacks. Basically what happens is an alarm sounds and everyone gets to their pre-assigned positions and duties as fast as possible.

That is if you have been given a pre-assigned position to get to as fast as possible.

I don’t know whether Joe had been late getting to the base that first day (he did live quite a bit away) or whether he just hadn’t been paying attention, but when the alarm sounded everyone knew what to do  -  except for him.

All the other regulars and recruits ran off in various directions to what were obviously their pre-assigned positions. But Joe just stood there for a few moments, completely bewildered at what had just happened and where everybody had gone. But he quickly decided that he was far too conspicuous standing alone in the yard and that if everyone else was running somewhere then, hell, he would run somewhere too.

He just didn’t know where.

Then he remembered a big tree near the entrance to the army camp. He was fond of trees and nature and wildlife and the outdoors. I am too, but unlike myself Joe had always been a great climber and a fast one too. Before you could say “where did he go?”, Joe was well up the tree and hiding amongst its leaves. His camo gear worked a treat there as indeed it should.

Then in a while’s time the exercise was over and the signal sounded for everyone to stand down.

The new recruits all re-assembled back in the quad and as the army likes to do (frequently!) they dressed off (that’s got into lines properly spaced for those who have never participated in such things) and started a count. Away they went one, two, three, etc., but when they got to the end they were a man short. Joe.

Well, the military being the military, could never leave a man behind. They immediately identified who was missing and proceeded to organize search parties to find poor Joe. To paraphrase the famous Scarlet Pimpernel poem by  P.D.Q. Blakeney, “they sought him here, they sought him there. Those squaddies sought him everywhere! Was he in heaven? Was he in hell? That dammed elusive Pimpernel!” 

But Pimpernel Joe was neither of those places. You see, not only did Joe not know the signal for the start of the attack exercise, he didn’t know the signal for the end of it either! As far as he was concerned he was still under attack and therefore still hiding up in the tree!!

He heard some of the search parties, but by this time Joe was completely confused. He had made the mistake a lot of people make when faced with unusual situations. He had thrown logic and plain reasoning out and had over analyzed his predicament. Not knowing that the exercise was finished, he thought that the search parties might be some kind of rouse by the “enemy” and the last thing he wanted to do, particularly on his first day, was to be captured by the opposing forces. I mean would that have looked stupid or what?

So he remained silent. And he remained up the tree.

Luckily it wasn’t cold that night and it didn’t rain either. In the morning at the crack of dawn reveille sounded and once the formalities were done the search parties were sent out again to find Joe.

He was really stiff and sore by this time and hungry too. I think during the night he had figured out that the “attack” was over and that it would be safe to come back down on to terra firma. And that’s what he did. A bit disheveled looking he made it to the ground and was greeted by one of the search parties who ushered him back to the Sgt.

The Sgt inquired politely where Joe had gone and where he had spent the night (WTFHYB……?). At first they thought that he had left the camp, in other words gone AWOL, but eventually he got them convinced of what he had done and where he had been.

They gave Joe a fool’s pardon, but they made sure he learned all his protocols for the next time. I don’t know whether they now use the tree trick as part of their training or not. Perhaps they should, it was certainly effective for Joe.

You May Feel A Lot Smaller Today, But You Should Feel A Lot Better Too

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

"The happiest people don't have the best of everything,

they just make the best of everything they have."

I should warn you that if you haven’t seen it before the subject of today’s post might make you feel a lot smaller than you were before you looked at it. But I hope it inspires you as well. It inspired me to be a more thankful for what I have and to try to do a bit more, with a smile on my face. (Mind you I reserve the right to complain about the SABs!)

First a joke to set the mood today.



A guy who had turned down every job he had ever been offered walks into the local welfare office, marches straight up to the counter and says

"Hi...You know, I just HATE drawing welfare. I'd really rather have a job."

The social worker behind the counter says,

"Really? Your timing is excellent.  We just got a job opening from a very wealthy old man who wants a chauffeur and bodyguard for his nymphomaniac daughter. You'll have to drive around in his Mercedes, but he'll supply all of your clothes.


Because of the long hours, meals will be provided. You'll be expected to escort her on her overseas holiday trips. You will have to satisfy her sexual urges. You'll have a two-bedroom apartment above the garage. The starting salary is $200,000 a year".

The guy says, "You're bullshittin' me!"

The social worker says, "Yeah, well... you started it."



If you are a regular reader of my blog you’ll realize that my tolerance level for stupidity and bureaucracy is rapidly heading towards zero, in fact it may already be there.

I despise, detest, and abhor three types of people, (1) those who think the world owes them a living without them doing a damn thing for themselves, (2) those who are clearly too dumb for the jobs they have been given, and (3) those who make the stupid rules the stupid people try to enforce.

But there’s a flip side to everything. My hatred of the above categories of people is equaled by my admiration of three other groups of people, (1) those who do make the best of what they have, (2) who work hard for themselves and their families, and (3) those who get on with their lives regardless of the obstacles that have been put in their way.

Thankfully there are thousands upon thousands of such good and decent people everywhere in every country. This little fella in the video below is a great example.

As I said above, it may make you feel a bit smaller that you thought you were, but if this doesn’t inspire you and make you take a think about your own life and all the good things you have then, like I always say, “it’s not my fault, there’s something wrong with you!”

Been To The Gym Lately?

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

I’m not a member of a gym and no doubt it shows. But although they might have benefits health and fitness wise they are a colossal waste of both money and time. Most people who have gym memberships are either idiots or social climbing idiots. A big statement that I’m sure does not apply to everybody but a big statement that everybody can apply to someone they know. Think about that.

Ever met the woman who has to employ someone to look after her children and clean her house because she hasn’t got the time because she has to go to the gym? If she did look after the kids and give them a bit of quality time and did the housework as well she would get just as much cardio vascular and muscular workout as she’ll ever get at the gym. And her family would be the better for it.

But shallow people like that think that being able to say to their friends I was at the gym last night is a lot more glamorous than saying I was playing with the kids or cleaning the house.

Men are just as bad, maybe sometimes even a bit worse and sadly a good part of it is vanity as in how they’ll look to other men, not women! Woah!

Invariably the gym thing all just a fad and eventually you stop going and your membership lapses.

That is, of course, unless you happen to be an idiot and live in Florida.

You see, a few years ago, this guy in Florida, decided to join a gym. In his own words he said the he thought, “the ridiculous membership fees and that ludicrous up front joining fee would make me workout so I wouldn't waste the money.”

But it didn't work out. Within weeks, like most everybody, he was coming up with all sorts of lame pathetic excuses not to go.

Now, if you are a reasonably normal person what happens next is that you stop going to the gym and you let your membership lapse. End of story.

If you are a moron, however, you decide that if money wouldn't promote you to keep going to the gym, losing your life probably would. But this genius wasn’t talking about the fear of becoming unfit and getting a heart attack or something.

No siree, far to easy.

In an attempt to force himself into a healthy routine of exercise, this Florida dude hired a hit man to kill him if he failed to show up to any of his three weekly workouts for the next five years.

You have to hand it to him that the plan worked extremely well, maybe too well at times. Again in his own words, “There were some times that I truly would have preferred not to go, like that time I had bronchial asthmatic pneumonia. I've never had so much dark green mucus running down my face in my life, you should have seen that treadmill afterwards.”  

Like most idiots do, he has tried to justify his moronic decision. “With all its ups and downs,” he says, “my only complaint lately is that what I originally thought were expensive gym fees have been over shadowed by the high cost of the hit man.”  

I don’t know whether this is going on or if the five years are already up, or even if this idiot was stupid enough to renew the ‘contract’ on himself.

But if you live in Florida and you know a guy who has been to the gym three times a week EVERY week for the past five years, do him a favor and don’t stick your hand in your inside jacket pocket as you walk up to him.

Now a couple of funny vids.

Enjoy!