Showing posts with label blogging. Show all posts
Showing posts with label blogging. Show all posts

Sunday, June 10, 2012

Another Edition Of Stupidity Is Legal


“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”



They tell me it’s Monday again. Where do the weeks go? Still, there isn’t much we can do about it but start the week with a bit of a laugh.


This is another selection from my “stupidity is legal” file. Some of these are so daft that they are bound to raise a chuckle or two. I hope so anyhow. And I also hope that there are no repeats from other post, although I cannot guarantee that. Even if you have read some of them before they are the kind of thing that can stand a second or third or fourth read without lessening the enjoyment too much.


Here we go.



Lawyer: Mrs. Smith, you do believe that you are emotionally unstable?

Witness: I used to be.

Lawyer: How many times have you committed suicide?

Witness: Four times.

- - - - - - - - - -


Lawyer: Were you acquainted with the deceased?

Witness: Yes, sir.

Lawyer: Before or after he died?

- - - - - - - - - -


Lawyer: You say you're innocent, yet five people swore they saw you steal a watch.

Witness: Your Honor, I can produce 500 people who didn't see me steal it.

- - - - - - - - - -


Lawyer: When he went, had you gone and had she, if she wanted to and were able, for the time being excluding all the restraints on her not to go also, would he have brought you, meaning you and she, with him to the station?

Mr. BROOKS: Objection. That question should be taken out and shot.

- - - - - - - - - -


Lawyer: At the time you first saw Dr. McCarty, had you ever seen him prior to that time?

- - - - - - - - - -


Lawyer: Did the lady standing at the driveway subsequently identify herself to you?

Witness: Yes, she did.

Lawyer: Who did she say she was?

Witness: She said she was the owner of the dog's wife.

- - - - - - - - - -


Lawyer: Please state the location of your right foot immediately prior to impact.

Witness: Immediately before the impact, my right foot was located at the immediate end of my right leg.

- - - - - - - - - -


Lawyer: You don't know what it was, and you didn't know what it looked like, but can you describe it?

- - - - - - - - - -


Lawyer: "Sir, what is your IQ?"

Witness: "Well, I can see pretty well, I think."

- - - - - - - - - -


Lawyer: "Now sir, I'm sure you are an intelligent and honest man--"

Witness: "Thank you. If I weren't under oath, I'd return the compliment."

- - - - - - - - - -


Lawyer: "What is your brother-in-law's name?"

Witness: "Borofkin."

Lawyer: "What's his first name?"

Witness: "I can't remember."

Lawyer: "He's been your brother-in-law for years, and you can't remember his first name?"

Witness: "No. I tell you, I'm too excited." (rising and pointing to his brother-in-law) "Nathan, for heaven's sake, tell them your first name!"

- - - - - - - - - -


Lawyer: "Doctor, did you say he was shot in the woods?"

Witness: "No, I said he was shot in the lumbar region."

- - - - - - - - - -


Lawyer: "What is your marital status?"

Witness: "Fair."

- - - - - - - - - - 


Lawyer: "Are you married?"

Witness: "No, I'm divorced."

Lawyer: "And what did your husband do before you divorced him?"

Witness: "A lot of things I didn't know about."

- - - - - - - - - -


The Court: "Now, as we begin, I must ask you to banish all present information and prejudice from your minds, if you have any."

- - - - - - - - - -


Lawyer: "Did you tell your lawyer that your husband had offered you indignities?"

Witness: "He didn't offer me nothing. He just said I could have the furniture."

- - - - - - - - - -


Lawyer: "So, after the anesthesia, when you came out of it, what did you observe with respect to your scalp?"

Witness: "I didn't see my scalp the whole time I was in the hospital."

Lawyer: "It was covered?"

Witness: "Yes, bandaged."

Lawyer: "Then, later on...what did you see?"

Witness: "I had a skin graft. My whole buttocks and leg were removed and put on top of my head."

- - - - - - - - - -


Lawyer: "The truth of the matter is that you were not an unbiased, objective witness, isn't it? You too were shot in the fracas."

Witness: "No, sir. I was shot midway between the fracas and the naval."

===============

Thursday, June 7, 2012

Great Game Show One-Liners


“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”
 .

Hi loyal blog readers, I'm back. I haven't been able to do a post for a few days, work pressures by day and absolutely sweltering heat at night. But here I am again.  

One of the things I did get a chance to do was find some of the game show stuff I had filed away. If you need a funny one-liner then there is probably no better source than programs like Family Fortunes. It's quite amazing the things that people will say when in a pressure situation.

Here's a few examples that made me chuckle. Hope they do the same for you.



Q. Name an orange vegetable:
A. "Aubergine..."


Q. Name an animal you cannot fit into a Mini car:
A. "Mouse.."


Q. Name something made of wool:
A. "Cotton wool.."


Q. Name an animal with three letters:
A. "Lion.."


Q. Name a bad place to fall asleep:
A. "Concrete.."


Q. Name something you mount:
A. "A mountain.."


Q. Name something you lose when you get older:
A. "Your purse.."


Q. Name a sport which involves throwing something:
A. "Tennis.."


Q. Name a type of bean:
A. "Lesbian.."


Q. Name something you would play with in the bath:
A. "A bazooka.."


Q. Name someone you wouldn't swear in front of:
A. "Yourself.."


Q. Name a country where Arabic is spoken:
A. "Nigeria.."


Q. Name someone or something whose existence has never been proven:
A. "Hitler.."


Q. Name a number you might have to memorise:
A. "Seven.."


Q. Name something that makes you close your eyes:
A. "Dark.."


Q. Name something that comes in pairs:
A. "Rabbits.."


Q. Name a way of toasting someone:
A. "Over a fire.."


Q. Name a Boy's name beginning with the letter J:
A. "Gerald.."


Q. Name a type of oil:
A. "Sewing-machine oil.."


Q. Name a word beginning with Z:
A. "Xylophone.."


Q. Name a slang word for a girl:
A. "Slag.."


Q. Name an animal with horns:
A. "A bee..."


Q. Name a medieval weapon:
A. "Hand-grenade.."


Q. Name something made of wool:
A. "A sheep.."


Q. Name something a bridegroom might wear:
A. "A dress.."


Q. Name something a train-spotter would have in his pocket:
A. "A magnifying glass.."


Q. Name someone who works early hours:
A. "A burglar.."


Q. Name something made to be wheeled around:
A. "A hammer.."


Q. Name a reason for kneeling:
A. "To be beheaded.."


Q. Name a nickname for a slim person:
A. "Slimmy.."


Monday, May 21, 2012

A Testing Time


“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”


Okay, so you called in anyhow, despite yesterdays warning that a test was imminent. Well done. I applaud your courage. If you haven’t read yesterday’s post, then you now know how I used to feel in school when then had surprise tests.

But don’t worry, most of the questions aren’t difficult, maybe a little tricky here and there. There’s no pressure, no pass rate, no minimum score you have to get, or any of that sort of stuff. And you may have seen some of them before. It’s just a bit of what I hope will be entertainment. (If you can answer them all correctly I might issue a certificate – because although they aren’t difficult questions, they aren’t easy either.)

Keep your thinking time to a minimum, the funniest results happen when you answer as quickly as possible.

For best results write your answers down on a piece of paper and then look at the answers (shown below) when you’ve finished.

Okay, here we go:



Q1. Johnny’s mother had three children. The first child was named April. The second child was named May. What was the third child’s name?



Q2. Before Mt. Everest was discovered, what was the highest mountain in the world?



Q3. How much dirt is there in a hole that measures two feet by three feet by four feet?



Q4. Some months have 30 days, some have 31; how many months have 28 days?



Q5. Do they have a 4th of July in England?



Q6. Is half of two plus two equal to two or three?



Q7. A farmer has 17 sheep. All but 9 died. How many did he have left?



Q8. Three travelers register at a hotel and are told that their rooms will cost $10 each so they pay $30. Later the clerk realizes that he made a mistake and should have only charged them $25. He gives a bellboy $5 to return to them but the bellboy is dishonest and gives them each only $1, keeping $2 for himself. So the men actually spent $27 and the bellboy kept $2. What happened to the other dollar of the original $30?



Q9. If you had a ton of feathers and a ton of stones which would be heavier?



Q10. Take two apples from three apples and what do you have?



Q11. Imagine you're alone in a boat with a large hole in the bottom. Sharks are swimming around you on all sides and the boat is sinking fast. How do you survive?



Q12.  Read this sentence.

   Finished files are the re-
   sult of years of scientif-
   ic study combined with
   the experience of years.

How many times does the letter F appear?



Q13.  Two boys weighing 50 pounds each and their older brother weighing 100 pounds wish to cross a river. Their boat will only hold 100 pounds. How can they all cross the river in the boat?



Q14.  What is the only anagram of Springiest? (as far as I know)



Q15.  A plane crashed on the border or US and Canada. Where do they bury the survivors?



Q16.  A murderer is condemned to death. He has to choose between three rooms. The first is full of raging fires, the second is full of assassins with loaded guns, and the third is full of lions that haven't eaten in 3 years. Which room is safest for him?



Q17.  You are the bus driver.
At your first stop, you pick up 29 people.
On your second stop, 18 of those 29 people get off, and at the same time 10 new passengers arrive.
At your next stop, 3 of those 10 passengers get off, and 13 new passengers come on.
On your fourth stop 4 of the remaining 10 passengers get off, 6 of those new 13 passengers get off as well, then 17 new passengers get on.
What is the color of the bus driver's eyes?



Q18.  Divide 30 by 1/2 and add ten. What is the answer?



Q19.  What is the significance of the following: The year is 1978, thirty-four minutes past noon on May 6th.



Q20.  Is it legal in the State of California for a man to marry his widow's sister?



Q21.  If you were running a race and you passed the person in 2nd place, what place would you be in now?



Q22.  What do you put in a toaster?



Q23.  What word in the English language is always spelled incorrectly?



Q24.  Say "silk" five times. Now spell "silk". What do cows drink?



Q25.  How many animals of each species did Moses take aboard the Ark with him?



Q26.  A boat has a ladder that has six rungs. Each rung is one foot apart. The bottom rung is one foot from the water. The tide rises at 12 inches every 15 minutes. High tide peaks in one hour.

When the tide is at its highest, how many rungs are under water?



Q27.  You're riding a horse. To the right of you is a cliff and in front of you is an elephant moving at the same pace and you can't overtake it. To the left of you is a hippo running at the same speed and a lion is chasing you. How do you get to safety?



Q28.  Perform this calculation in your head, mentally adding the numbers as quickly as you can. Start with 1000 and add 40.
Now add 1000.
Add 30 to that, then add another 1000.
Now add 20 to that result.
Add another 1000 and finally, add 10 to that.
What is the total?



Q29.  Two fathers and two sons go fishing together in the same boat. They all catch a fish but the total catch for the day is 3 fish. How is this possible?



Q30.  In British Columbia you cannot take a picture of a man with a wooden leg. Why not?



And finally, 

Look at the picture below and say aloud what color the word is written in, not what the word says, but the color it is written in. There is not a right or wrong answer to this, but try it anyway. Personally I find this one very difficult.





Why is this so difficult? Apparently it’s because the right half of your brain is trying to say the color, while the left side of your brain is trying to say the word. I suppose how well you get on will depend on which side is dominant.
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THE ANSWERS:


Q1. Johnny’s mother had three children. The first child was named April. The second child was named May. What was the third child’s name?

A1.  Johnny, of course. The brain tends to focus on the sequence and a lot of people answer “June” so if you did you are not alone.



Q2. Before Mt. Everest was discovered, what was the highest mountain in the world?

A2. Mt Everest. Just because it wasn’t discovered, it was still there and still the biggest.



Q3. How much dirt is there in a hole that measures two feet by three feet by four feet?

A3. None! There ain’t no dirt in the hole. That’s why they call it a hole.



Q4. Some months have 30 days, some have 31; how many months have 28 days?

A4. If you answered “1” then you were wrong by “11”. All the months of the year have 28 days, at least.



Q5. Do they have a 4th of July in England?

A5.  Yes indeed they do. And a 1st, 2nd, 3rd and 5th as well.



Q6.  Is half of two plus two equal to two or three?

A6.  Three.  (2 x 0.5) = 1 +2 = 3



Q7.  A farmer has 17 sheep. All but 9 died. How many did he have left?

A7.  Nine. All but nine died, so nine were still alive.



Q8. Three travelers register at a hotel and are told that their rooms will cost $10 each so they pay $30. Later the clerk realizes that he made a mistake and should have only charged them $25. He gives a bellboy $5 to return to them but the bellboy is dishonest and gives them each only $1, keeping $2 for himself. So the men actually spent $27 and the bellboy kept $2. What happened to the other dollar of the original $30?

A8.  Nothing. There is no missing dollar from the original $30 it can just seem that way. When they got $1 back, the three travelers had paid a total of $27 for their room ($9 each), not $30. Out of that $27, the hotel has $25 and the clerk kept the remaining $2. If you still want to work from the original $30, the travelers have $3, the hotel has $25 and the bellboy has $2. The misleading part is adding the bellboy's $2 to the $27, when in fact it should be subtracted.



Q9.  If you had a ton of feathers and a ton of stones which would be heavier?

A9.  A ton ,is a ton, is a ton. They’d both weigh the same. 



Q10. Take two apples from three apples and what do you have?

A10. Well, you took two, so you have two. A lot of people say one, were you one?



Q11.  Imagine you're alone in a boat with a large hole in the bottom. Sharks are swimming around you on all sides and the boat is sinking fast. How do you survive?

A11.  Don’t worry. You’re in no real danger. Just stop imagining!



Q12.  Read this sentence.
   Finished files are the re-
   sult of years of scientif-
   ic study combined with
   the experience of years.
How many times does the letter F appear?

A12.  There are six. But most people skip the word 'of' and only count three, especially when reading quickly.



Q13.  Two boys weighing 50 pounds each and their older brother weighing 100 pounds wish to cross a river. Their boat will only hold 100 pounds. How can they all cross the river in the boat?

A13.  Two 50lb boys cross, one comes back.
100lb boy crosses, other 50lb boy returns
Both 50lb boys cross again.



Q14.  What is the only anagram of Springiest? (as far as I know)

A14. Persisting  -  unless of course you know different???



Q15.  A plane crashed on the border or US and Canada. Where do they bury the survivors?

A15.  Well, unless you are complete psycho and like to bury people alive then you wouldn’t bury the survivors at all!



Q16.  A murderer is condemned to death. He has to choose between three rooms. The first is full of raging fires, the second is full of assassins with loaded guns, and the third is full of lions that haven't eaten in 3 years. Which room is safest for him?

A16.  He should choose the third room. If the lions haven’t eaten for 3 years I’d say they probably be dead and couldn’t do him any harm.



Q17.  You are the bus driver.
At your first stop, you pick up 29 people.
On your second stop, 18 of those 29 people get off, and at the same time 10 new passengers arrive.
At your next stop, 3 of those 10 passengers get off, and 13 new passengers come on.
On your fourth stop 4 of the remaining 10 passengers get off, 6 of those new 13 passengers get off as well, then 17 new passengers get on.
What is the color of the bus driver's eyes?

A17.  I don’t know the answer. But you do, since you are the bus driver!



Q18.  Divide 30 by 1/2 and add ten. What is the answer?

A18.  The answer is 70. It’s the dividing bit at the beginning that gets most people on the wrong track.



Q19.  What is the significance of the following: The year is 1978, thirty-four minutes past noon on May 6th.

A19.  The time/month/date/year of an American style calendar are 12:34, 5/6/78.



Q20.  Is it legal in the State of California for a man to marry his widow's sister?

A20.  The answer is probably “Yes”, it is legal. But it is also impossible since the man would be dead!



Q21.  If you were running a race and you passed the person in 2nd place, what place would you be in now?

A21.  Well, since you just passed the person in 2nd place that would put them in 3rd place and you in 2nd place. So “2nd” is the right answer.



Q22.  What do you put in a toaster?

A22.  You didn’t say “toast” did you? That’s what comes out of the toaster, the right answer Is “bread”.



Q23.  What word in the English language is always spelled incorrectly?

A23. The clue is in the question here. The answer is ‘incorrectly”, except of course where it is mishspeeled.



Q24.  Say "silk" five times. Now spell "silk". What do cows drink?

A24.  Did you say “milk”? Most people do. But think about it, a cow drinks “water”.



Q25.  How many animals of each species did Moses take aboard the Ark with him?

A25.  None. Maybe you were thinking about Noah???



Q26.  A boat has a ladder that has six rungs. Each rung is one foot apart. The bottom rung is one foot from the water. The tide rises at 12 inches every 15 minutes. High tide peaks in one hour.
When the tide is at its highest, how many rungs are under water?

A26.  None. It’s a boat. It floats.



Q27.  You're riding a horse. To the right of you is a cliff and in front of you is an elephant moving at the same pace and you can't overtake it. To the left of you is a hippo running at the same speed and a lion is chasing you. How do you get to safety?

A27.  Just get off the merry-go-round, you’re too old for that sort of thing anyway.



Q28.  Perform this calculation in your head, mentally adding the numbers as quickly as you can. Start with 1000 and add 40.
Now add 1000.
Add 30 to that, then add another 1000.
Now add 20 to that result.
Add another 1000 and finally, add 10 to that.
What is the total?

A28.  If you said 5000 you be along with 96% of people who try this, but you’d also be wrong. The correct answer is 4100.



Q29.  Two fathers and two sons go fishing together in the same boat. They all catch a fish but the total catch for the day is 3 fish. How is this possible?

A29.  They are Grandfather, Father and Son.



Q30.  In British Columbia you cannot take a picture of a man with a wooden leg. Why not?

A30.  Because there ain’t a camera in a wooden leg (not a normal one anyhow).


Friday, May 18, 2012

My Morning In Bed With Derek!!!


“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

I haven’t been blogging for very long. But I have discovered by writing my own and by reading other peoples’ that they can have a way of letting you release some of the things you always wanted to say but never do in other ways. That’s a great thing. Very understated, but very important and a perhaps the best things that blogging is doing.

Thus here I am writing to the world at large (those of it who care to read this blog of course, let’s not get carried away) about the morning I spent in bed with Derek.

There you are. I’ve said it.

Crikey!

I suppose I might as well tell you the whole story.

Now I am ultra firmly in the heterosexual camp, always have been, and intend to remain there, but nevertheless I have to admit that that morning was truly one of the most exciting times I’ve ever had in bed with anyone. It was intense, to say the least!

At the time, I was nicely settled in a beautiful tropical isle, where the power of the internet and its easy communication applications has made it possible for me to spend a lot of time and still keep in touch with the big wide world out there.

One morning, it was a Saturday I think but that doesn’t really matter, I woke up late, around 9’ish, only to find Derek sitting at the bottom of my bed. How he got in I don’t know, but there he was. My eyes were still a bit out of focus, from sleeping, but I could tell he was a big fellow.

He didn’t say a word and neither did I. We just looked at each other, him sitting on the bed and me peeking out rather uncertainly from beneath the bed sheet.

It seemed as if we stayed that way for ages, locked in each other’s gaze.

Then after a while Derek made his move.

Slowly he began to make his way up the bed towards me.

I didn’t know what to do.

Should I also make a move? Or should I remain where I was?

I thought about pulling the bed sheet to one side to let my arms out, but I was afraid that I might inadvertently send the wrong signal to Derek. Would it appear too hostile, or too welcoming. Neither would be appropriate.

It was my first time in this position and my inexperience showed. I just was not sure what would be the right thing to do. Nobody teaches you these things at school. Nobody prepares you for the strange turns that life can sometimes take.

So I just lay there watching intently as Derek made his way up the bed, getting closer and closer to me. It was all done in complete silence.

When he was almost level with my face he stopped.

He turned slightly and stared into my eyes.

I stared into his.

There was something between us that was for sure, a kind of an intimate respect even though we didn’t know each other and in fact had never seen each other before.

I was about to pluck up enough courage to speak to him, but before I had the opportunity he looked away from me and began to move again.

Right up to the head of the bed.

And then on to the wall. 

WTF???

On to the wall?

Well, yes.

Derek was a tarantula spider, and a bloody big one!

The preceding episode had all been a bit like that scene in Dr No where the baddies put a tarantula in James Bond’s bed. Being James Bond, and licensed to kill, he beat the proverbial crap out of his. I just let Derek wander up the wall and on to the ceiling.

Despite the uncertain introduction I have to say that Derek and I became friends. He stayed on the ceiling, most of the time absolutely still, until he took a dart here and there to capture an insect. While he was doing that he was happy and so was I.

This went on for many days.

Then one day, just as mysteriously as he had arrived, he disappeared.

I never saw him again.

Sometimes I miss him!



This is Derek.






And this is James Bond






Wednesday, May 9, 2012

Little Dumb And Large Dumber


“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”



Are there some people who are too dumb to live? 


It’s an interesting, if not much asked, question.


Certainly people do get killed in unusual ways. Of course that is not always their fault. Sometimes they are the victims of circumstances beyond their control. No one can plan for the drunken idiot who slams his car into another. Nor should we live our lives in fear of such things. Take as much care as necessary without impacting on your own life and enjoyment is the best we can do. And usually that is more than enough to get us by.


Back to the initial question. 


I think there is a lot of evidence to show that there are indeed some people who are just too dumb to live. There’s a thing called the Darwin Awards that every year highlights some of the people who have, as they put it, strengthened the gene pool by doing away with themselves under the stupidest of circumstances. Some of them are very amusing indeed and I hope to feature other examples in this blog from time to time.


This one is about two people meeting their end in a peculiar, and for the rest of us, funny way. 


It happened in the little town (called a city) of George, in Grant County, Washington. As well as being a play on the President’s name, George, Washington, with a population of little over 500, is famous for the similarly sounding Gorge Amphitheatre. This is a 20,000+ seat concert venue located above the Columbia River, that offers lawn-terrace seating and “concert friendly weather”.


Actually it is considered to be one of the premier and most scenic concert locations in the US, and some say even the world. It has been the host to artists such as The Who, David Bowie, Coldplay, and Pearl Jam, the latter even releasing a box set album featuring their entire performances from 2005 and 2006.


However the group that caused the trouble for the two intrepid zeros who are the subject of today’s blog post was Metallica. When they were playing at The Gorge, Robert Uhlenake (24) and his friend, Ormond D. Young (27) decided they wanted to go along.


However, unable to get any tickets for the sold out gig the two instead decided to stay in a nearby parking lot and drink. By the time the show had started they had made their way through eighteen beers.


That was when they did something that stupid people, especially drunk stupid people, should never do.


Yes, they hit upon an idea.  


And that idea was to scale the seven foot wooden security fence around the perimeter of the site and sneak in. The rest of the plan involved moving their truck up to the edge of the fence, get on top of it and simply jump over the fence.


So far, so good.


Then they decided that Young would go over first and assist Uhlenake later.


Again, so far, so good.


But what they had not figured into their plan was that, while the fence was seven feet high on the parking lot side, there was a twenty-three foot drop on the other side.


Young, who weighed around 255 lbs and was quite inebriated, jumped up and over the fence and promptly fell about half the twenty-three foot distance before a large tree branch broke his fall AND his left forearm. 


Not content with that he also managed to get his shorts caught on the branch.


There’s a kind of a rule in life, I don’t know whose it is (it’s not Murphy’s, maybe I’ll claim it for fasab if no one else has it), that when things start to go wrong they have a tendency to keep on going from bad to worse. So it was for young Mr Young.


He was now in a lot of pain and his broken arm made it impossible for him to extricate himself and his shorts from the tree in the normal manner. But hanging there and looking at the bushes down below, he thought the thing to do was to cut his shorts off and fall to the ground. The soft bushes would cushion the impact of his fall.


This he did and when he cut the last bit of fabric from himself, he suddenly plummeted to earth.


As he did so he also lost his grip of the knife.


The "soft" bushes that Young had cleverly spotted from fifteen foot up in the air hanging from the branch were actually holly bushes and landing in them caused a massive number of cuts, and jags.


All that would have been bad enough for a mere mortal but Young wasn’t done yet.


He also had the misfortune of landing squarely on a holly bush branch; effectively impaling himself.


Then the knife, which he had accidentally released fifteen foot above where he landed, now joined him stabbing him in his left thigh. 


Apparently, he was in a lot of pain.


Enter his friend Robert to the rescue.


Robert Uhlenake had apparently observed the last bit of this fiasco and, despite his inebriated state, had the awareness to realized that his fiend Young was in trouble. 


Then he also did that thing that stupid drunk people should never do. 


He hit upon the idea too, this time of lowering a rope to his friend and pulling him up and over the fence.


The problem with this plan was that Uhlenake was outweighed by his friend by a good 100 lbs. But undaunted by this he was still determined on a rescue bid and figured he could use their truck to pull his friend Young back up.


Unfortunately, because of his state, Uhlenake put the truck in reverse, rather than drive, broke through the fence, landed on Young (killing him), and subsequently died of internal injuries himself.


The two were found dead at the Gorge Amphitheater after the show. Uhlenake was in the pickup that was on top of Young at the bottom of a 20 ft drop. Young was found with severe lacerations, numerous fractures, contusions, and a branch in his anal cavity. He also had been stabbed and his pants were in a tree above him, some 15 ft off the ground. 


For a while it was a mystery but the story as outlined above was eventually pieced together.


The final words on the story should perhaps go to Commissioner Appleton who summed it all up saying, 


"So that's how a dead 255 lb man with no pants on, with a truck on top of him and a stick up his ass came to be".