Mandatory Private Health Insurance – Whatever Next?

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”


I wrote a post on my blog a while ago called “It Always Surprises Me How One Thing Leads To Another!” and so it has again. I was intending another subject for today’s post but a recent comment got me thinking about Obamacare and the recent SCOTUS ruling.

Don’t worry, I’m not going to go into an analyses of that just now apart from making this small point.

When Obamacare (some people call it The Patient Protection and Affordable Healthcare Act), became law on March 23, 2010, it contained a provision that requires all Americans to have private health insurance coverage starting in 2014.

Further than that, any American who does not, will have to pay a penalty, up to 2.5% of his/her income, to the IRS.

Now I know that, if you can afford it, having an adequate health plan is a sensible thing. But legislating to make it compulsory, well, that's a different thing entirely.

I am astounded that more people haven’t been kicking up their heels and screaming about this, which is in effect a tax or fine for something you didn’t do, rather than something you did. But they haven’t. Maybe it is because 2014 is way in the future, like just a few months away (duhh), and therefore nothing needs to be done.

So, I’m thinking if they get away with this, and they seem to have, whatever is next. And then it hit me, so to speak.

Sex.

Some moron either in the Oval office or in a square office in the Senate or Congress will come up with the idea of legislating sex. I don't mean they're going to make it compulsory or otherwise, just that we'll all need to take out relevant insurance to cover it, so to speak.

Now, although you may not have realized it, fasab is a helpful blog. Always going the extra mile to assist people where possible, either by highlighting the bureaucratic bunglers in our midst, or trying to amuse, or being informative.

Today it’s the latter (it isn’t really, it’s the middle one), because I have come across a list of the correct insurance companies for sex. The list can be found below.

Enjoy!  


THE correct Insurance Companies for sex, depending on your tastes) are:


SEX with your wife -   Legal & General


SEX with your future wife-   Mutual Trust


SEX with your secretary -   Employers Liability


SEX with a prostitute -   Commercial Union


SEX on the telephone-   Direct line


SEX with your biographer -   Quote me Happy


SEX in a hurry-   Insure & Go


SEX with your boyfriend -   Standard Life


SEX with a transvestite -   Confused . com


SEX with some one different -   Go compare . com


SEX with a wild animal -   Compare the meerkat . com


SEX with a fat bird -   More Than


SEX on the back seat -   Sheila's Wheels


SEX with a senior -   Saga


SEX with a posh bird -   Privilege .com


SEX with yourself  -  John Hancock Insurance


SEX with safety in mind  -  Protective Life


and finally,


SEX with a sheep -   Farmers Union

A Few Friday Funnies

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

It’s always good to start and end the working week with something amusing. Takes a little of the dread out of Mondays and on Fridays sets the right mood for the weekend.

Here is another selection of examples of the public at large putting pen to paper without engaging brain first. We’ve seen what can happen with lawyers, Church notices, in the ER, and on the 9-1-1 telephones. This time we have a selection of extracts from genuine letters sent to a government Pensions and Insurance Office.

Hope you enjoy.

"I cannot get sick pay. I have six children. Can you tell me why this is?"

"This is my eighth child. What are you doing about it?"

"Mrs. Brown has no clothes and has not had any for a year. The vicar has been visiting her."

"In reply to your letter. I have already co-habited with your office, so far without result."

"I am forwarding my marriage certificate and two children, one of which is a mistake as you will see."

"Sir, I am glad to say my husband, reported missing, is now dead."

"Unless I get my husband's money I shall be forced to lead an immoral life."

"I am writing these lines for Mrs. Green who cannot write herself. She expects to be confined next week and can do with it."

"I have enclosed my marriage certificate and six children. I have some and one died, which was baptized on a half sheet of paper by the Rev. Thomas."

"Please find out if my husband is dead, as the man I am now living with won't eat or do anything until he is sure."

"In answer to your letter I have given birth to a little boy weighing ten pounds. Is this satisfactory?"

"You have changed my little girl into a little boy. Will this make any difference."

"Please send my money at once as I have fallen into errors with my landlord."

"I have no children as my husband is a bus driver and works all day and all night."

"In accordance with your instructions I have given birth to twins in the enclosed envelope."

"I want money as quick as you can sent it. I have been in bed with my doctor all week and he does not seem to be doing me any good."

"Milk is wanted for my baby as the father is unable to supply it."

"Regarding your enquiry the teeth in the top are alright but the ones in the bottom are hurting terribly."

It Always Surprises Me How One Thing Leads To Another!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

I have no idea why that should be, I mean why it always surprises me how one thing leads to another. After all where else can one thing go? It’s the logical sequence, it has to happen that way. I think what I really mean is, the surprise is what you are led to. It is hardly ever the thing you were expecting.

Every one of us knows from hours of experience how difficult it is to switch on the computer or log on to the internet on a smart phone or other device and be self-disciplined enough to just search for the thing we initially wanted to look for. Countless times in my experience I have gone on to the internet with the sole purpose of maybe checking some stats or looking up some information relating to a business problem, or a health issue perhaps, only to find an hour or so later that I’m on a completely different tack, forgotten completely about why I started, and now absorbed in some other information that has nothing to do with the job at hand.

Entertaining it certainly is. Enjoyable too, without a doubt. Informative, yes it can be (although you shouldn’t believe everything you read on the internet – unless it appears in this blog of course). And a waste of time? That one is debatable. I think not. Nothing is a waste of time if it is providing any or all of the above attributes – entertainment, enjoyment or information.

One of my favorite sayings is, “It’s a sad day you don’t learn something,” and I am glad to report that in that regard I do not have any sad days. Every day I learn something, usually not what I expected and sometimes the lessons can be very harsh, but it all counts towards bettering oneself and providing valuable experience for the future.

So when I looked at my blog today I had a very different subject in my head to write about. Then I read a comment from my blog-friend coastalcrone on yesterdays blog post “Today Is A Beautiful Day”, part of which sparked off what you are now reading.

Coastalcrone said, “For me words are so visual… they have to look right for me too.”

Now one can analyze any writing from a grammatical viewpoint, or the construction of sentences and paragraphs, or the balance and rhythm of the words, or on its aesthetic content, or on many other different levels. That’s what they do when they study literature at universities, tearing apart and analyzing writing and writers. Sometimes I think that is valuable and informative; at other times I think that they don’t have a clue what they are talking about and have read far, far more into a piece than the writer originally intended. (Most writers, though, are happy to go along with such academic pronouncements because it makes them appear a bit more clever that they would be if they denied them.)

However, all that academic stuff aside, the part of coastalcrone’s comment that promoted all this was really the first part, “… words are so visual”.

Words are visual. Indeed they are. A good description of a person, or a scene, or an incident, conjures up the image in the reader’s mind, and so it should. The better the writing and the writer, the better the visuals the reader experiences.

But, and it’s a big bold BUT, the visual experience is not the writer’s, it always belongs to the reader. The writer is simply the catalyst.

No matter how precise and detailed a description is, if it is a description of something we have not personally witnessed (in other words someone describing a fictitious person or place, or even for example a valley or lake in Australia or India which most of us will never have seen, as opposed to a $10 bill or a laptop computer) a different image will be conjured up in the minds of each individual.

I’m sure you have read a book and then later gone to see the movie. Very seldom if ever does your own visual image agree with the film maker’s. At the moment I can only think of one occasion when my own visual interpretation of a book almost exactly matched the movie interpretation. That was Alastair MacLean’s “Where Eagles Dare”, an excellent World War II espionage thriller and an equally excellent movie. That was probably because MacLean wrote the book and movie screenplay more or less at the same time. (Btw, I don’t mean that I had Richard Burton and Clint Eastwood in my visual picture – that would have been too crazy, even for me!)  

Of course the converse is easier to come to grips with. If you see the movie and then read the book, the movie-maker’s visuals, rather than your own, are already in your head. Sometimes that’s okay, if the movie has been a reasonably close interpretation of the book. If they don’t gel well then the one can easily spoil the enjoyment of the other.

And visual interpretations also hold for the spoken as well as the written word. If one hears something described on the radio, for example, it can produce visual images in one’s mind. Not only that, however, but one often gets an imaginary picture of what the person speaking looks like. It can sometimes come as a bit of shock when you see the person on tv or in real life. I’ve heard people remarking on more than one occasion that so-and-so “isn’t like his voice”.

Even when you meet people, you can also have preconceived ideas about them in the few seconds between seeing them and hearing them speak. Some say that that is conclusive proof that light travels faster than sound, i.e. that most people seem bright until you hear them speak.

Of course one should be mature enough to accept people as they are. What one should definitely not do is laugh at some unfortunate with a voice that doesn’t fit them. Admittedly it can be funny, as this talk show host found out when carrying out a tv interview some years ago.

Let’s have a little experiment and see how good you are. You know you shouldn’t laugh but I rather think you might. I did! Quite a lot L But at the host, naturally! :) 

Enjoy!  

On The Oul Timers’ Ward

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”




“I’ll never forget what’s his name,” is something I have a habit of saying. I’ve always had a good memory and recall for most things, particularly numbers, but sometimes I’m terrible with names. I can be trying to hold a sensible conversation with someone, usually someone who I haven’t seen for a long time, and while I know their face perfectly, can I remember the name! It makes for awkward times and sometimes amusing ones as well.


I hope it doesn’t get any worse as I get older! I’d hate to end my days with “oul timers” as we call it in our family, my aunt having been so afflicted for a few years before her passing.


But like all adversities there are the funny sides. 


Here’s a report from an old issue of the Southland Times in New Zealand that I thought was amusing.



The police were called to the Whangarei ward at the Aged Care Centre in Kaikohe, New Zealand, because a fight had broken out.


When they arrived, they could see that the two elderly protagonists had been involved in a mighty punch-up. Both were covered in blood, their clothes were torn, one had a broken nose and half his hair ripped out, and the other had a broken arm and a hypodermic needle stuck in his penis.


Furniture and equipment had been smashed flat, beds had been overturned, and the other patients on the ward were terrified.


When the matter came to court, Police Sergeant Maurice Loveridge reported as follows:


"…. the fight took place in a ward full of elderly Alzheimer's patients, and it has gradually become clear that nobody can remember what happened, or who was responsible.


One patient keeps repeating the phrase 'we ought to have more manure', but frankly this gives us no clue.
The two accused men do not recognise each other, nor do the other patients, and the ones who initially reported the incident to us had forgotten that there even was a fight by the time we tried to question them.


Therefore, because nobody can now recall the incident, the Police Prosecution Department has reluctantly decided to withdraw the case against both men."





These aren’t the same old boys as in the New Zealand fracas, but they’re the best I could come up with. They made me laugh.

Enjoy!

Medical Bloopers From Actual Patients Medical Charts

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

I’m staying on yesterday’s medical theme.

When I was thinking about things medical I remembered an episode in a now defunct hospital where a friend of a friend of mine was being treated.

This bloke had broken his left leg, just below the knee, while playing football. It wasn’t a bad break, more of a crack really, but he was rushed to the emergency room where he was diagnosed and then x-rayed and then sent for prepping for the operating theatre where they would make sure everything was aligned properly and put on a plaster cast.

Some men have no hair on their legs and some men have a lot. This fellow was one of the latter and it was essential that his leg was shaved before the operation and certainly before the plaster cast was added.

Unfortunately that day the nurse responsible for the prepping and shaving must have been having an off-day  -  either that or she was as dumb as razor she was using.

I told you he’d broken his left leg and naturally the nurse started to shave his left leg. He was lying on his back at the time. That went well. The she and another nurse managed to get him turned over on to his stomach to complete the procedure. And she did, only this time she shaved the back of his right leg!

So there he was, lying on a trolley, ready for the operating theatre, with not a hair on the front of his left leg and not a hair on the back of his right leg.

They eventually got it sorted out after much hilarity, all of which completely bypassed the poor patient who ended up with two bald legs, one of them in plaster. 

That’s what can happen in practice. Mistakes can also happen when medical charts are being written up some examples of which can be found in the selection below.

I think the late George Carlin put it best when he said that half the doctors and nurses out there practicing medicine were in the bottom half of their classes when studying for their qualifications.

Sometimes it shows.

Enjoy.

"Surgery will be performed under General Anastasia."

(Will it be on the privates perhaps?)

"Since she can't conceive I've sent her to a futility expert."

(What’s the use of that?)

"I saw your patient yesterday, who's still under our car for physical therapy."

(Are his motor skills improving?)

"There was some concern about financial matters, but the patient was told she could apply for pubic assistance."

(Sounds a bit hairy to me.)

"After her last child she had her tubs tied."

(That’ll cure it alright!)

"Infection resulted after she pimped a few popples"

(Petra Piper, eh?)

"Social history reveals this 1 year old patient does not smoke or drink and is presently unemployed."

(Layabout!)

"Patient called and left word that he had expired last week."

(What a dead loss.)

"When she fainted her eyes rolled around the room."

"While she was in the emergency room, she was examined, x-rated, and sent home."

(The slut!)

"This chubby youngster needs a slim adult to look up to as a role model."

(Mr & Mrs Arbuckle’s offspring no doubt.)

"I keep reassuring her that her memory will improve, but again today she forgot to pay her bill."

(It’s called CML  -  convenient memory loss.)

"Patient is to remain plastered for the next 6 to 8 weeks."

(Now there’s the first sensible medical advice I’ve heard.)

"She got my instructions messed up and cut out all exercise and increased her sweets."

(The see food diet possibly.)

"He's rather sedentary and drives a bust all day."

(Perhaps he should nipple long to another hospital?)

"Bleeding began in the rectal area and continued all the way to Los Angeles."

(Bloody bum!)

"I've asked him to call and let me know who he's feeling this week."

(You gotta get your kicks some way.)

"Patient came in today complaining of chronic vaginal affection."

(Like I said, you gotta get your kicks some way!!)

"Rectal exam reveals normal-size thyroid." 

(Oh, man, that must have hurt!)

"His prognosis was poor, having a massive cerebral hemorrhoid."

(Was his head splitting?)

"Following the exam of her breasts we discussed the impending nasal surgery."

(Always safer to check first.)

"Exam of genitalia reveals that he is circus-sized."

(I bet he framed that chart.)

“She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night.”

(What are they complaining about then?)

“Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.”

(And a bit of numbness too I would imagine)

“On the second day the knee was better, and on the third day it disappeared.”

(Magic can cure anything)

“The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.”

(Doesn’t she need further expensive tests just to be sure?)

“The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.”

(How much do you charge per hour?)

“Discharge status: Alive but without my permission.”

(I think this Dr has a bit of a God complex)

“Healthy appearing decrepit 69-year-old male, mentally alert but forgetful.”

(What did you say?)

“The patient refused autopsy.”

(It’s alive, it’s alive!!!)

“The patient has no previous history of suicides.”

(You figured that all out by yourself then?)

“Patient has left white blood cells at another hospital.”

(Some people are so careless)

“Patient's medical history has been unremarkable with only a 40-pound weight gain in the past three days.”

(On hospital food? I don’t think so!)

“Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.”

(But was it organic?)

“Between you and me, we ought to be able to get this lady pregnant.”

(Now you’re talking!)

“Since she can't get pregnant with her husband, I thought you might like to work her up.”

(My pleasure)

“She is numb from her toes down.”

(Not much hope there then)

“The skin was moist and dry.”

(That was a pore diagnosis)

“Occasional, constant infrequent headaches.”

(Yes, but when?)

“Patient was alert and unresponsive.”

(Marriage will do that to you)

“She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life, until she got a divorce.”

(There’s nothing like a good riddance)

“Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.”

(How long was it before you moved in?)

“The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.”

(Pervert!)

“The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a job as a stockbroker instead.”

(Anal retentive to a man)

“Skin: somewhat pale but present.”

(Sound like a job for Dr Dermott Ologist)

“The pelvic exam will be done later on the floor.”

(Get down baby!)

“Patient was seen in consultation by Dr. Blank, who felt we should sit on the abdomen and I agree.”

(Is there a shortage of chairs?)

“Large brown stool ambulating in the hall.”

(Politician visiting someone perchance?)

“Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities.”

(That’s more than enough to have to suffer)

Been To The Gym Lately?

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

I’m not a member of a gym and no doubt it shows. But although they might have benefits health and fitness wise they are a colossal waste of both money and time. Most people who have gym memberships are either idiots or social climbing idiots. A big statement that I’m sure does not apply to everybody but a big statement that everybody can apply to someone they know. Think about that.

Ever met the woman who has to employ someone to look after her children and clean her house because she hasn’t got the time because she has to go to the gym? If she did look after the kids and give them a bit of quality time and did the housework as well she would get just as much cardio vascular and muscular workout as she’ll ever get at the gym. And her family would be the better for it.

But shallow people like that think that being able to say to their friends I was at the gym last night is a lot more glamorous than saying I was playing with the kids or cleaning the house.

Men are just as bad, maybe sometimes even a bit worse and sadly a good part of it is vanity as in how they’ll look to other men, not women! Woah!

Invariably the gym thing all just a fad and eventually you stop going and your membership lapses.

That is, of course, unless you happen to be an idiot and live in Florida.

You see, a few years ago, this guy in Florida, decided to join a gym. In his own words he said the he thought, “the ridiculous membership fees and that ludicrous up front joining fee would make me workout so I wouldn't waste the money.”

But it didn't work out. Within weeks, like most everybody, he was coming up with all sorts of lame pathetic excuses not to go.

Now, if you are a reasonably normal person what happens next is that you stop going to the gym and you let your membership lapse. End of story.

If you are a moron, however, you decide that if money wouldn't promote you to keep going to the gym, losing your life probably would. But this genius wasn’t talking about the fear of becoming unfit and getting a heart attack or something.

No siree, far to easy.

In an attempt to force himself into a healthy routine of exercise, this Florida dude hired a hit man to kill him if he failed to show up to any of his three weekly workouts for the next five years.

You have to hand it to him that the plan worked extremely well, maybe too well at times. Again in his own words, “There were some times that I truly would have preferred not to go, like that time I had bronchial asthmatic pneumonia. I've never had so much dark green mucus running down my face in my life, you should have seen that treadmill afterwards.”  

Like most idiots do, he has tried to justify his moronic decision. “With all its ups and downs,” he says, “my only complaint lately is that what I originally thought were expensive gym fees have been over shadowed by the high cost of the hit man.”  

I don’t know whether this is going on or if the five years are already up, or even if this idiot was stupid enough to renew the ‘contract’ on himself.

But if you live in Florida and you know a guy who has been to the gym three times a week EVERY week for the past five years, do him a favor and don’t stick your hand in your inside jacket pocket as you walk up to him.

Now a couple of funny vids.

Enjoy!