Do You Know…. Yes, It’s Another Flipping Fun Filled Factoid Friday!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

It’s Friday again and what better day to indulge in a little more factoid fun. Start your weekend off full of useless knowledge that you can impress and bore your friends with.

Enjoy!

Do you know….

That 80 percent of Harvard students graduate with honors

That the chances that a burglary in the US will be solved are 1 in 7

That the government owns one third of all the land in the US

That they put Braille dots on the keypad of the drive-up ATM.  Why?

That James Buchanan was the only US President to remain a bachelor

That the only first lady to carry a loaded revolver was Eleanor Roosevelt

That the only US President to win a Pulitzer was John F. Kennedy, for "Profiles in Courage"

That the only US President to be awarded a patent was Abraham Lincoln, for a system of buoying vessels over shoals

That the US President who discovered a new proof for The Pythagorean Theorem was Jimmy Carter  (I think is was hidden under the oval office carpet)

That cigarettes sold in gas stations when smoking is prohibited there, duh?

What happens if you are in a vehicle going the speed of light and you turn on the headlights?

That honey is the only food that does not spoil

That a Hummingbird is the only bird that can fly backwards

That Antarctica is the only continent without reptiles or snakes

Why is the word “lisp” spelled with all the letters that people with that affliction cannot pronounce?

That a pig is the only animal besides human that can get sunburn

That ostriches stick their heads in the sand to look for water

That an eagle can kill a young deer and fly away with it

That in the Caribbean there are oysters that can climb trees

That for some strange reason Americans drive on parkways and park on driveways.

That polar bears are left-handed

Why is “dyslexic” such a difficult word to spell?

That when you're driving and looking for an address, you turn down the volume on the radio

That Eskimos never gamble  -  I bet you didn’t know that.

That the world's youngest parents were 8 and 9 and lived in China in 1910

That the youngest pope was 11 years old

That Mark Twain didn't graduate from elementary school

That proportional to their weight, men are stronger than horses

That when you transport something by car, it's called a shipment, but when you transport something by ship, it's called cargo

That Pilgrims ate popcorn at the first Thanksgiving dinner

What would happen if you tied buttered toast to the back of a cat and dropped it from a height?

That your nose and ears never stop growing

Why isn't “phonetic” spelled the way it sounds?

That Jupiter is bigger than all the other planets combined  -  Uranus!  -  No, Jupiter.

That they have square watermelons in Japan ... they stack better

That Iceland consumes more Coca-Cola per capita than any other nation

Why your nose runs and your feet smell?

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Yet Another Quiz – But This Time A Quiz OTHER People Did, And Failed!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

Yes everyone, it’s Monday again and what better way than to start off the week by laughing at other people.

It’s another selection from the Televison Quiz Show archive. Some are from American TV, others from Britain, but all equally funny (I hope). They’ll set you up for the rest of the week!

Enjoy!

What are people banned from wearing on passport photographs in the UK - hats or gloves?

“Gloves”

Do the rivers Styx and Lethe run through hell or Halifax?

“Halifax”

What is the name for a group of motorcyclists whose name means the opposite to 'Heaven's Devils'?

“The Devil's Gang”

The Italian city of Torino is known in English by what name?

“Toronto”

What was the principal language used by the ancient Romans?

“Greek”

What is the total when a score is added to a baker's dozen?

“A hundred and thirteen”

In a family what 'O' describes a child with no brothers or sisters?

“Orphan”

In the Bible who was the father of Cain and Abel?

“Joseph”

What 'U' is a South American country whose capital is Montevideo?

“Uganda”

In mathematics what is thirty-two divided by eight?

“Six”

What is the fifth vowel letter of the alphabet?

“E”

The Duchess of Windsor's famous words were ' You can never be too thin or too..' what?

“Fat”

In the film 'Deliverance' a scene involves a duo between stringed instruments; a guitar and what?

“Cello”

Sudan is the largest country in which continent?

“Europe”

What is the only language used for official purposes in Denmark?

“Dutch”

Wholegrain, Dijon and English are varieties of which condiment?

“Rice”

In Roman numerals what number is represented by the letters IX?

“One hundred”

In law the principle that a person cannot be tried twice for the same offence is called 'Double...' what?

“Whammy”

In proverbs, which big cat is said to be unable to change its spots?

“Cheetah”

What is three hundred and thirty-three divided by three?

“Twenty-one”

When a man is not wearing a jacket he is said to be in 'Shirt..' what?

“Casual”

The Earth is divided by the Equator into how many hemispheres?

“Three”

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Time For Another Test - Whaddya Mean #>@!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

Sunday is usually a bit of a lazy day for most of us. So how about using the time to limber up those old brain cells. Here are 21 questions, some easy, some tricky, some silly, and some difficult. Give them a try and see how you get on.

The answers are at the bottom if you scroll down a bit, but no cheating!!!

QUESTIONS

1.  Why can't a man living in Winchester be buried in Frederick County?

2.  How near is the U.S. to Russia? (3000, 1000, 500, or 50 miles)?

3.  A woman gives a beggar 50 cents. The woman is the beggar's sister but the beggar is not the woman's brother. How come?

4.  What four words appear on every U.S. coin besides "In God We Trust?"

5.  You are blindfolded. Placed in front of you is a box of stockings, all the same size. Twenty-five of the stockings are red and twenty-five are white. What is the minimum number of stockings that you can remove and be absolutely sure of a matching pair?

6.  If you flew due south from Atlanta, Georgia, which South American country would you pass over first?

7.  How many outs are there in an inning of a baseball game?

8.  How many birthdays does the average person have?

9.  If 2 miles of fence enclose a square plot of 160 acres, how large a square will 4 miles of fence enclose?

10. Why can't a man's hand be 12 inches long?

11. How many cubic feet of dirt are in a hole one foot deep, three feet long, and two feet wide?

12. A woman fenced in a square plot of land. When she had finished, there were ten fence posts on each side. How many posts did she use altogether?

13. How far is a furlong?

14. How many 1/8-inch squares will it take to make a square inch?

15. A woman travels 1 mile south, then one mile west, and then mile north, and arrives at her starting point. Where is she?

16. If it takes 3 men 3 days to dig 3 holes, how long would it take 1 man to dig 1/2 a hole?

17. A rooster is on a barnyard roof. If it lays an egg, which way will it roll?

18. How many one-inch cubes will it take to make a cubic foot?

19. If it's zero degrees Celcius outside today and it's supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be tomorrow?

20. The maker doesn't want it; the buyer doesn't use it; and the user doesn't see it. What is is?

21. When is it legal in Virginia for a man to marry his own daughter?

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ANSWERS

1.  Because he is still alive.

2.  50 miles

3.  The beggar is a woman, so she is the woman's sister.

4.  United States of America.

5.  Three.

6.  One!

7.  Six.

8.  One, all the others are anniversaries of your birthday.

9.  640 acres or 1 square mile.

10. Because it would be a foot.

11. None (there is no dirt in a hole).

12. Thirty-six.

13. One-eighth of a mile.

14. Sixty-four.

15. North Pole.

16. You can't have 1/2 a hole.

17. A rooster doesn't lay eggs.

18. 1,728.

19. Still 0 degrees, only this time in Fahrenheit

20. A coffin

21. When he is a clergyman performing his daughter's wedding.

A Short Moment Of Triumph, And Then An Idiot Walked In

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

When I was writing the post “When One Door Shuts Another One Closes” a couple of days ago it reminded me of a short time I spent on a very small island in the West Indies. I was there with a couple of colleagues to reconnoiter the area for a small development that was being planned.

We were there for four or five days (I can’t exactly remember, it was a long time ago) but I had rented a little island house for us. It was a nice place, spotlessly clean and had everything we needed. There was no air conditioning but there were huge ceiling fans so it was comfortable enough.

The only problem was that the net on the screen door into the main living room from the patio had been torn by whoever was in the house previously and not repaired, It was just a little tear on the bottom right corner where someone had accidently put their foot through it, but it was more than enough to allow the dreaded mosquitoes access any time they wanted. And they wanted access most of the time!

I reported the problem to the guy in charge and he said that he would get their maintenance people to look after it. Sounded good, and I’m sure he meant every word of it, but I had some experience of Caribbean island life and let’s just say urgency is definitely not one of the things they major in. Life on all the islands is very relaxed and easy going, and in my opinion all the better and healthier for it.

So realizing help would not be at hand during our short time in the house I had a look round the kitchen for something I could use to fix the problem myself. I finally found part of a role of duck tape and a few other bits and bobs. It took me a number of attempts, the air was so hot and humid that it was extremely difficult to get the tape to stick to the net and the door frame. But eventually I managed it.

A pretty job it was most definitely not, but I slid the door screen closed, got myself a cold beer from the refrigerator and sat back in one of the living room chairs to admire my hard work and ingenuity.

And then along cam Bill and something like this happened. Some days you just can’t win!  

The Dog That Slept With Its Ass In The Air

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

I’ve said before on this blog that I’m a doggie person. Generally speaking dogs and me get on reasonably well, with just a few exceptions. It’s no secret either that by far my favorite breed is the German Shepherd which is an incredibly loyal and intelligent companion. I’ve been blessed with having two of these family members in my life so far. What an awful shame that their lifespan isn’t more like our own.

I have found out that other breeds and cross-breeds are nowhere close to the GSD. We’ve had three recently, and each one dumber than the last. There was “Lassie” a white fluffy terrier type thingy. Nice little dog and friendly, but you couldn’t even teach it it’s own name. It had been given to us by a nice Korean lady and I offered the theory that it could only speak Korean and didn’t know what we all chatting about. Using google translate I learned a couple of Korean words, but the result was the same blank look.

Then we were gifted another puppy, which we were told was a purebred Rotweiller, but which turned out to be a cross between that and a Pitbull or some other equally macho breed. I really detest the whole macho Pitbull syndrome and wanted to get rid of this one right away. But I was out-voted. Then a few months later it started taking the garden apart with the efficiency of a builder’s excavator, so suddenly the votes were on my side and we got someone to take it off our hands.

Now, as I think I’ve said before on this blog, we have a dog that thinks it’s a cat. I call this one a Doberwaawaahund. Another dumb dog that does not seem capable of learning anything. One of the things it can’t learn is to keep off the public road. It’s never done crawling through the bars of our gate and running down the street barking as if it owned the place.

To top it all, despite the bravado, this is without doubt the most cowardly dog I have ever seen. It is scared of everything.

To cut a long story short, on one of its escapades in the street it either met with another dog, a car or a person fed up with all its annoying barking, but it yelped home one day with a broken tail, part of which subsequently had to be removed by the vet.

I didn’t know dogs could get depressed, but for a few weeks or more after the operation this dumb dog was mystified as to what had happened to the rest of his tail. Couldn’t figure it out at all. Worse than that it imagined all its tail was still there, somewhere, and it was so afraid of getting hurt that it just wouldn’t lie down. Not at all, even to sleep.

And so we ended up with the dog that slept with its ass in the air.

Normal Dumb Dog With Tail

Dumb Dog Shortened Tail

Sleeping With Its Ass In The Air

Should We Waste Time Trying To Make Things Foolproof?

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

http://jitterygt.wordpress.com  made a comment on one of my posts that “The creativity of stupidity is also endless”. And so it seems to be.

Stupid people are always finding new ways to do stupid things. I don’t think I would go so far as to call it creative, though. Most of it happens by pure accident rather than design. 

Now I have to point out at the start, that this blog post is not about things that are done to assist those in society who have some kind of disability. Everything that is done in that regard to make life a bit easier and things more accessible is to be encouraged and applauded. This blog applies specifically to those who could get out of their own way but because they are too lazy and/or obtuse, won’t!

So the question today is, and it’s a good question that hardly anyone bothers to ask or tries to answer, “Should we have to waste time, energy and resources pandering to the idiots in society?”

In other words should EVERYTHING have to sink down to their level? Should the rest of us normal-ish people be deprived of a better and simpler existence just because some people seem to be incapable of living their lives without doing themselves harm?

I vote NO, we shouldn’t pander to them. Not in the slightest.

In the dumbed down society that we are increasingly being forced to live in, and that the even dumber politicians encourage (probably so that the majority of people don’t develop the skills to see the hash they are making of everything), far from questioning the consequent waste of time, energy, and resources, they continue to make more and more rules to cater for the intellectually challenged.

Think about the consequences for a moment.

How many labels do we have on jars and cans and elsewhere that really don’t need to be there? Do we really need a label on a packet of nuts telling us that the packet contains nuts? Do we really need a label telling us that hot coffee is ‘hot’ or that iced mocha is ‘cold’?

How many otherwise productive man-hours are wasted each and every year trying to figure out what dumb thing some moron will do with a particular product?

I know the whole waste of time phenomenon has been spurred on in many cases because of spurious and unnecessary law suits by lawyers who aren’t smart enough to set up a proper law practice and by judges who are so out of touch with reality that they should be thrown out of court for not doing the same with these foolish lawsuits.

Then we have the bureaucrats weighing in. With nothing productive to do themselves, except to make our lives more and more intolerable, they dream up new rules and regulations to make business more uncompetitive and ordinary peoples’ lives more complicated.

And it’s all a waste of time. No matter what rules are invented and what precautions are taken it is a law of the universe that morons will find a way round them and hurt themselves anyway. Some of them have even walked into the signs put up to warn them about walking into signs.

So we should NOT waste time trying to make things foolproof because the fools have proved time and again that it’s a waste of time!

Let’s aspire to learn more and be smarter, instead of dumbing down to the level of those who don’t give a damn anyhow!

End rant. Have a cup of coffee – mind, though, it’s hot!

Here;s a few examples of the type of nonsense that goes on:

Suitable for outdoor use.  Found on a rain gauge.

Warning: High in sodium.  On a salt cellar.

Remove wrapper, open mouth, insert muffin, eat.

Use like regular soap.  On a bar of soap.

Simply pour the biscuits into a bowl and allow the cat to eat when it wants.  On a bag of cat biscuits. 

Instructions: open packet, eat nuts  on a packet of nuts

Do not use as an ice cream topping  on Hair colouring

Warning: do not attempt to swallow  on a Mattress

Caution: contents may catch fire  on Matches

Some assembly required  on a 500-piece puzzle

The appliance is switched on by setting the on/off switch to the 'on' position  on a Kettle

Product will be hot after heating  on Bread Pudding

Warning: May cause drowsiness  on Sleep Aid

This ice may be cold  on an Ice drink

Instructions: Put on food  on Ketchup

Do not open here  on the Bottom of a Cola bottle

My Morning In Bed With Derek!!!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

I haven’t been blogging for very long. But I have discovered by writing my own and by reading other peoples’ that they can have a way of letting you release some of the things you always wanted to say but never do in other ways. That’s a great thing. Very understated, but very important and a perhaps the best things that blogging is doing.

Thus here I am writing to the world at large (those of it who care to read this blog of course, let’s not get carried away) about the morning I spent in bed with Derek.

There you are. I’ve said it.

Crikey!

I suppose I might as well tell you the whole story.

Now I am ultra firmly in the heterosexual camp, always have been, and intend to remain there, but nevertheless I have to admit that that morning was truly one of the most exciting times I’ve ever had in bed with anyone. It was intense, to say the least!

At the time, I was nicely settled in a beautiful tropical isle, where the power of the internet and its easy communication applications has made it possible for me to spend a lot of time and still keep in touch with the big wide world out there.

One morning, it was a Saturday I think but that doesn’t really matter, I woke up late, around 9’ish, only to find Derek sitting at the bottom of my bed. How he got in I don’t know, but there he was. My eyes were still a bit out of focus, from sleeping, but I could tell he was a big fellow.

He didn’t say a word and neither did I. We just looked at each other, him sitting on the bed and me peeking out rather uncertainly from beneath the bed sheet.

It seemed as if we stayed that way for ages, locked in each other’s gaze.

Then after a while Derek made his move.

Slowly he began to make his way up the bed towards me.

I didn’t know what to do.

Should I also make a move? Or should I remain where I was?

I thought about pulling the bed sheet to one side to let my arms out, but I was afraid that I might inadvertently send the wrong signal to Derek. Would it appear too hostile, or too welcoming. Neither would be appropriate.

It was my first time in this position and my inexperience showed. I just was not sure what would be the right thing to do. Nobody teaches you these things at school. Nobody prepares you for the strange turns that life can sometimes take.

So I just lay there watching intently as Derek made his way up the bed, getting closer and closer to me. It was all done in complete silence.

When he was almost level with my face he stopped.

He turned slightly and stared into my eyes.

I stared into his.

There was something between us that was for sure, a kind of an intimate respect even though we didn’t know each other and in fact had never seen each other before.

I was about to pluck up enough courage to speak to him, but before I had the opportunity he looked away from me and began to move again.

Right up to the head of the bed.

And then on to the wall. 

WTF???

On to the wall?

Well, yes.

Derek was a tarantula spider, and a bloody big one!

The preceding episode had all been a bit like that scene in Dr No where the baddies put a tarantula in James Bond’s bed. Being James Bond, and licensed to kill, he beat the proverbial crap out of his. I just let Derek wander up the wall and on to the ceiling.

Despite the uncertain introduction I have to say that Derek and I became friends. He stayed on the ceiling, most of the time absolutely still, until he took a dart here and there to capture an insect. While he was doing that he was happy and so was I.

This went on for many days.

Then one day, just as mysteriously as he had arrived, he disappeared.

I never saw him again.

Sometimes I miss him!

This is Derek.

And this is James Bond

http://youtu.be/XS3Lb7PZDtQ

A Little More Stupidity Is Legal

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

Here is another selection of courtroom bloopers. I hope there are no repeats from the last lot, but even if there are you can read most of them again and still laugh. I know I can.

Enjoy!

Lawyer: Now, Mrs. Johnson, how was your first marriage terminated?

Witness: By death.

Lawyer: And by whose death was it terminated?

- - - - - - - - - -

Lawyer: Have you lived in this town all your life?

Witness: Not yet.

- - - - - - - - - -

Lawyer: Did you blow your horn or anything?

Witness: After the accident?

Lawyer: Before the accident.

Witness: Sure, I played for ten years. I even went to school for it.

- - - - - - - - - -

Lawyer: How many times have you committed suicide?

Witness: (looking confused) Is that a question?

- - - - - - - - - -

Lawyer: And where was the location of the accident?

Witness: Approximately milepost 499.

Lawyer: And where is milepost 499?

Witness: Probably between milepost 498 and 500.

- - - - - - - - - -

Lawyer: Was it you or your younger brother who was killed in the war?

Witness: What do you think counselor.

- - - - - - - - - -

Lawyer: What happened then?

Witness: He told me, he says, "I have to kill you because you can identify me"

Lawyer: And did he kill you?

Witness: Yes!

- - - - - - - - - -

Lawyer: Was that the same nose you broke as a child?

- - - - - - - - - -

Lawyer: Were you alone or by yourself?

- - - - - - - - - -

Lawyer: Do you have any children or anything of that kind?

- - - - - - - - - -

Lawyer: So you were gone until you returned?

- - - - - - - - - -

A Texas attorney, realizing he was on the verge of unleashing a stupid question, interrupted himself and said, "Your Honor, I'd like to strike the next question."

- - - - - - - - - -

Lawyer: Now, you have investigated other murders, have you not, where there was a victim?

- - - - - - - - - -

Lawyer: Could you see him from where you were standing?

Witness: I could see his head.

Lawyer: And where was his head?

Witness: Just above his shoulders.

- - - - - - - - - -

Lawyer: ... any suggestions as to what prevented this from being a murder trial instead of an attempted murder trial?

Witness: The victim lived.

- - - - - - - - - -

Lawyer: Did he pick the dog up by the ears?

Witness: No.

Lawyer: What was he doing with the dog's ears?

Witness: Picking them up in the air.

Lawyer: Where was the dog at this time?

Witness: Attached to the ears.

- - - - - - - - - -

Lawyer: What is your relationship with the plaintiff?

Witness: She is my daughter.

Lawyer: Was she your daughter on February 13 1979?

- - - - - - - - - -

Lawyer: Did you stay all night with this man in New York?

Witness: I refuse to answer that question.

Lawyer: Did you stay all night with this man in Chicago?

Witness: I refuse to answer that question.

Lawyer: Did you stay all night with this man in Miami?

Witness: No.