Funny Factoid Friday Again, And Another Eighteen Universal Truths

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

This funny factoid Friday I have a few more Universal Truths. As before, that does not mean that every one of them applies to everyone, but weirdly most of them do.

And if you are wondering after you read this, the answer is yes, I have put aside a thin piece of wood specifically to stir paint (you’ll see what I mean later!). Oh dear :o(

Enjoy!

1) Some days you see lots of people on crutches.

2) Every bloke has at some stage while taking a pee, flushed half way through and then raced against the flush.

3) Old women with mobile phones look wrong.

4) Its impossible to look cool whilst picking up a Frisbee.

5) Driving through a tunnel makes you feel excited.

6) You never ever run out of salt.

7) Old ladies can eat more than you think.

8) You can't respect a man who carries a dog.

9) There's no panic like the panic you momentarily feel when you've got your hand or head stuck in something.

10) No one knows the origins of their metal coat hangers.

11) Despite constant warning, you have never met anybody who has had their arm broken by a swan.

12) The most painful household incident is wearing socks and stepping on an upturned plug.

13) People who don't drive slam car doors too hard

14) You've turned into your dad the day you put aside a thin piece of wood specifically to stir paint.

15) Everyone had an uncle who tried to steal his or her nose.

16) Bricks are horrible to carry.

17) In every plate of chips there is a bad chip.

18) Knowledge is knowing that a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad. 

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It’s Another Funny Factoid Friday, Here Are Eighteen Universal Truths

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

It’s another Friday and time for a few more of what I call factoids, although this list is entitled Universal Truths.

That does not mean that every one of them applies to everyone, but from personal experience I can vouch for the accuracy of quite a lot of them.

Enjoy!



1) Triangular sandwiches taste better than square ones.



2) At the end of every party there is always a girl crying.



3) One of the most awkward things that can happen in a bar is when your pint-to-toilet cycle gets synchronized with a complete stranger.



4) You've never quite sure whether it's ok to eat green crisps.



5) Everyone who grew up in the 80's has entered the digits 55378008 into a calculator.



6) Reading when you're drunk is horrible.



7) Sharpening a pencil with a knife makes you feel really manly.




8) You're never quite sure whether it's against the law or not to have a fire in your back garden.



10) Nobody ever dares make cup-a-soup in a bowl.



11) You never know where to look when eating a banana.



12) Its impossible to describe the smell of a wet cat.



13) Prodding a fire with a stick makes you feel manly.



14) Rummaging in an overgrown garden will always turn up a bouncy ball.



15) You always feel a bit scared when stroking horses.



16) Everyone always remembers the day a dog ran into your school.



17) The most embarrassing thing you can do as schoolchild is to call your teacher mum or dad.



18) The smaller the monkey the more it looks like it would kill you at the first given opportunity.


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Do You Know…. Yes, It’s Another Flipping Fun Filled Factoid Friday!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

It’s Friday again and what better day to indulge in a little more factoid fun. Start your weekend off full of useless knowledge that you can impress and bore your friends with.

Enjoy!

Do you know….

That 80 percent of Harvard students graduate with honors

That the chances that a burglary in the US will be solved are 1 in 7

That the government owns one third of all the land in the US

That they put Braille dots on the keypad of the drive-up ATM.  Why?

That James Buchanan was the only US President to remain a bachelor

That the only first lady to carry a loaded revolver was Eleanor Roosevelt

That the only US President to win a Pulitzer was John F. Kennedy, for "Profiles in Courage"

That the only US President to be awarded a patent was Abraham Lincoln, for a system of buoying vessels over shoals

That the US President who discovered a new proof for The Pythagorean Theorem was Jimmy Carter  (I think is was hidden under the oval office carpet)

That cigarettes sold in gas stations when smoking is prohibited there, duh?

What happens if you are in a vehicle going the speed of light and you turn on the headlights?

That honey is the only food that does not spoil

That a Hummingbird is the only bird that can fly backwards

That Antarctica is the only continent without reptiles or snakes

Why is the word “lisp” spelled with all the letters that people with that affliction cannot pronounce?

That a pig is the only animal besides human that can get sunburn

That ostriches stick their heads in the sand to look for water

That an eagle can kill a young deer and fly away with it

That in the Caribbean there are oysters that can climb trees

That for some strange reason Americans drive on parkways and park on driveways.

That polar bears are left-handed

Why is “dyslexic” such a difficult word to spell?

That when you're driving and looking for an address, you turn down the volume on the radio

That Eskimos never gamble  -  I bet you didn’t know that.

That the world's youngest parents were 8 and 9 and lived in China in 1910

That the youngest pope was 11 years old

That Mark Twain didn't graduate from elementary school

That proportional to their weight, men are stronger than horses

That when you transport something by car, it's called a shipment, but when you transport something by ship, it's called cargo

That Pilgrims ate popcorn at the first Thanksgiving dinner

What would happen if you tied buttered toast to the back of a cat and dropped it from a height?

That your nose and ears never stop growing

Why isn't “phonetic” spelled the way it sounds?

That Jupiter is bigger than all the other planets combined  -  Uranus!  -  No, Jupiter.

That they have square watermelons in Japan ... they stack better

That Iceland consumes more Coca-Cola per capita than any other nation

Why your nose runs and your feet smell?

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Dating In The Early 1960s

”Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

It's not absolutely necessary, but readers who can remember this era may enjoy this the most...

It was a hot Saturday evening in the summer of 1960 and Fred had a date with Peggy Sue.

He arrived at her house and rang the bell.

"Oh, come on in!" Peggy Sue's mother said as she welcomed Fred in. "Have a seat in the living room. Would you like something to drink? Lemonade? Iced tea?"

"I'll have an Iced tea, please," Fred said.

Mom brought the iced tea.

"So, what are you and Peggy planning to do tonight?" she asked.

"Oh, probably catch a movie, and then maybe grab a bite to eat at the malt shop, maybe take a walk on the beach..."

"Peggy likes to screw, you know," Mom informed him.

"What???" Fred spluttered, his mouthful of iced tea almost launching itself across the room.

"Uh...really?" he continued, eyebrows raised, as he tried to gather his wits about him. He wasn’t at all used to this type of liberal parenting, which was very progressive for the early 1960s.

"Oh, yes!" the mother continued very matter-of-factly. "When she goes out with her friends, that's all they do!"

"Is that so?" asked Fred, incredulous.

"Yes," the mother continued. "As a matter of fact, she'd screw all night if we let her, but of course we don't!"

"Er no, I suppose not," Fred answered, still surprised that Peggy Sue’s parents would countenance such a thing at all.

"Well, thanks for the tip," he continued as he quickly began thinking about alternate plans for the evening.

A wicked smile began to play on his lips.

A moment later, Peggy Sue came down the stairs looking pretty as a picture. She was wearing a pink blouse and full circle skirt, and had her long hair tied back in a bouncy ponytail. She greeted Fred.

"Have fun, kids," the mother said as they left.

Fred was sure that they would.

Half an hour later, a completely disheveled Peggy Sue burst into the house and slammed the front door behind her.

"Whatever is wrong, darling?" her puzzled mother inquired.

"The Twist, Mom! It's the twist!!" Peggy Sue angrily yelled at her mother.

"The damned dance is called the TWIST! "

;)

Great Game Show One-Liners

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

 .

Hi loyal blog readers, I'm back. I haven't been able to do a post for a few days, work pressures by day and absolutely sweltering heat at night. But here I am again.  

One of the things I did get a chance to do was find some of the game show stuff I had filed away. If you need a funny one-liner then there is probably no better source than programs like Family Fortunes. It's quite amazing the things that people will say when in a pressure situation.

Here's a few examples that made me chuckle. Hope they do the same for you.

Q. Name an orange vegetable:

A. "Aubergine..."

Q. Name an animal you cannot fit into a Mini car:

A. "Mouse.."

Q. Name something made of wool:

A. "Cotton wool.."

Q. Name an animal with three letters:

A. "Lion.."

Q. Name a bad place to fall asleep:

A. "Concrete.."

Q. Name something you mount:

A. "A mountain.."

Q. Name something you lose when you get older:

A. "Your purse.."

Q. Name a sport which involves throwing something:

A. "Tennis.."

Q. Name a type of bean:

A. "Lesbian.."

Q. Name something you would play with in the bath:

A. "A bazooka.."

Q. Name someone you wouldn't swear in front of:

A. "Yourself.."

Q. Name a country where Arabic is spoken:

A. "Nigeria.."

Q. Name someone or something whose existence has never been proven:

A. "Hitler.."

Q. Name a number you might have to memorise:

A. "Seven.."

Q. Name something that makes you close your eyes:

A. "Dark.."

Q. Name something that comes in pairs:

A. "Rabbits.."

Q. Name a way of toasting someone:

A. "Over a fire.."

Q. Name a Boy's name beginning with the letter J:

A. "Gerald.."

Q. Name a type of oil:

A. "Sewing-machine oil.."

Q. Name a word beginning with Z:

A. "Xylophone.."

Q. Name a slang word for a girl:

A. "Slag.."

Q. Name an animal with horns:

A. "A bee..."

Q. Name a medieval weapon:

A. "Hand-grenade.."

Q. Name something made of wool:

A. "A sheep.."

Q. Name something a bridegroom might wear:

A. "A dress.."

Q. Name something a train-spotter would have in his pocket:

A. "A magnifying glass.."

Q. Name someone who works early hours:

A. "A burglar.."

Q. Name something made to be wheeled around:

A. "A hammer.."

Q. Name a reason for kneeling:

A. "To be beheaded.."

Q. Name a nickname for a slim person:

A. "Slimmy.."

The Funniest Game Show Incident I Have Seen

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

Just a short blog post today, but a real little gem.

This is actually a follow-on from Sunday’s post, “I like Watching Game Shows” which featured some US (or US versions) of popular shows such as Wheel of Furtune, Who Wants To Be A Millionaire and Family Feud. I hope you enjoyed those.

But the funniest game show incident I have seen comes from a British show called “Catch Phrase” hosted by a comedian called Roy Walker.

If you’ve never seen the show, the idea is to guess the answer (usually a well known phrase or saying) from the picture/animation on the screen which is slowly revealed in nine different random parts.

I don’t know what is funnier here, the actual animation or the presenter and male contestant laughing, or the fact that the poor dumb girl contestant hasn’t the slightest clue what all the laughing is about.

Anyhow here it is.

Enjoy – you’ve got to!