The Silly Name Game, Part Three – Time To Pass On

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

It has been fun gathering up examples of those who have been lumbered with let’s say, more exotic names than the rest of us.

In this final installment, apart from the first one which I couldn’t resist adding, the afflicted are no longer with us although their contribution to mankind lives on in their memorials. 

If I ever change my name by deed poll I think I’d like to take the name of the last guy on the list.

Enjoy.

and finally

The Silly Name Game, Part Two - Now It’s Political!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

You’d think if you had a daft or embarrassing name the last thing that you would want to do is hang it out in public for everyone to see and ridicule.

But as was noted yesterday people just do not seem to find anything wrong with their own surnames, no matter how funny, absurd or otherwise they appear to the rest of us.

Hence people stand for public office quite oblivious to their odd names.

Does it help or hinder them to get elected? Perhaps sometimes it does, after all some of the names would certainly tend to stick a voter’s mind. Perhaps sometimes it doesn’t, if they are stupid enough not to notice their own names, how fit are they for public office in the first place.

Who knows?

Who cares?

At least they’ve given us some entertainment even if they didn’t mean to.

Enjoy!!!

Signs That You Live In The 21st Century

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

Unfortunately a lot of the things below have become true in the 21^st Century.

Number two particularly pisses me off.

Numbers five and fourteen are a poor reflection of what we have become.

And numbers twenty thru twenty-two are just plain sad. 

I hope you will do numbers twenty-four and twenty-five though!!

Enjoy.

1. You just tried to enter your password on the microwave.

2. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of three.

3. You text your son's cell phone to let him know it's time to eat. He E-mailed you back from his bedroom, "What's for dinner?"

4. Your daughter sells Scout Cookies via her web site.

5. You chat several times a day with a stranger from South Africa, but you haven't spoken with your next door neighbor yet this year.

6. You check the ingredients on a can of chicken noodle soup to see if it contains Echinacea.

7. Your grandmother asks you to send her a JPEG file of your newborn so she can create a screen saver.

8. You pull up in your own driveway and use your cell phone to see if anyone is home.

9. Every commercial on television has a website address at the bottom of the screen.

10. You buy a computer and 6 months later it is out of date, and now sells half the price you paid.

11. Leaving the house without your cell phone, which you didn't have the first 20 or 30 years of your life, is cause for panic and turning around to go get it.

12. Using real money, instead of credit or debit, to make a purchase would be a hassle and take planning.

13. Cleaning up the dining room means getting the fast food bags out of the back seat of your car.

14. Your reason for not staying in touch with family is that they do not have e-mail addresses.

15. You consider second-day air delivery painfully slow.

16. Your dining room table is now your flat filing cabinet.

17. Your idea of being organized is multiple-colored Post-it notes.

18. You hear most of your jokes via blogs and e-mail instead of in person. (Yipes!!!!)

19. You get an extra phone line so you can get phone calls.

20. You disconnect from the Internet and get this awful feeling, as if you just pulled the plug on a loved one.

21. You get up in the morning and go online before getting your coffee.

22. You wake up at 2 am to go to the bathroom and check your e-mail on your way back to bed.

23. You start tilting your head sideways to smile. :-) 

24. You're reading this, and...

25. ...even worse; you're going to forward it to someone else.

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Time For Another Test - Whaddya Mean #>@!

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

Sunday is usually a bit of a lazy day for most of us. So how about using the time to limber up those old brain cells. Here are 21 questions, some easy, some tricky, some silly, and some difficult. Give them a try and see how you get on.

The answers are at the bottom if you scroll down a bit, but no cheating!!!

QUESTIONS

1.  Why can't a man living in Winchester be buried in Frederick County?

2.  How near is the U.S. to Russia? (3000, 1000, 500, or 50 miles)?

3.  A woman gives a beggar 50 cents. The woman is the beggar's sister but the beggar is not the woman's brother. How come?

4.  What four words appear on every U.S. coin besides "In God We Trust?"

5.  You are blindfolded. Placed in front of you is a box of stockings, all the same size. Twenty-five of the stockings are red and twenty-five are white. What is the minimum number of stockings that you can remove and be absolutely sure of a matching pair?

6.  If you flew due south from Atlanta, Georgia, which South American country would you pass over first?

7.  How many outs are there in an inning of a baseball game?

8.  How many birthdays does the average person have?

9.  If 2 miles of fence enclose a square plot of 160 acres, how large a square will 4 miles of fence enclose?

10. Why can't a man's hand be 12 inches long?

11. How many cubic feet of dirt are in a hole one foot deep, three feet long, and two feet wide?

12. A woman fenced in a square plot of land. When she had finished, there were ten fence posts on each side. How many posts did she use altogether?

13. How far is a furlong?

14. How many 1/8-inch squares will it take to make a square inch?

15. A woman travels 1 mile south, then one mile west, and then mile north, and arrives at her starting point. Where is she?

16. If it takes 3 men 3 days to dig 3 holes, how long would it take 1 man to dig 1/2 a hole?

17. A rooster is on a barnyard roof. If it lays an egg, which way will it roll?

18. How many one-inch cubes will it take to make a cubic foot?

19. If it's zero degrees Celcius outside today and it's supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be tomorrow?

20. The maker doesn't want it; the buyer doesn't use it; and the user doesn't see it. What is is?

21. When is it legal in Virginia for a man to marry his own daughter?

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ANSWERS

1.  Because he is still alive.

2.  50 miles

3.  The beggar is a woman, so she is the woman's sister.

4.  United States of America.

5.  Three.

6.  One!

7.  Six.

8.  One, all the others are anniversaries of your birthday.

9.  640 acres or 1 square mile.

10. Because it would be a foot.

11. None (there is no dirt in a hole).

12. Thirty-six.

13. One-eighth of a mile.

14. Sixty-four.

15. North Pole.

16. You can't have 1/2 a hole.

17. A rooster doesn't lay eggs.

18. 1,728.

19. Still 0 degrees, only this time in Fahrenheit

20. A coffin

21. When he is a clergyman performing his daughter's wedding.

A Few Friday Funnies

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

It’s always good to start and end the working week with something amusing. Takes a little of the dread out of Mondays and on Fridays sets the right mood for the weekend.

Here is another selection of examples of the public at large putting pen to paper without engaging brain first. We’ve seen what can happen with lawyers, Church notices, in the ER, and on the 9-1-1 telephones. This time we have a selection of extracts from genuine letters sent to a government Pensions and Insurance Office.

Hope you enjoy.

"I cannot get sick pay. I have six children. Can you tell me why this is?"

"This is my eighth child. What are you doing about it?"

"Mrs. Brown has no clothes and has not had any for a year. The vicar has been visiting her."

"In reply to your letter. I have already co-habited with your office, so far without result."

"I am forwarding my marriage certificate and two children, one of which is a mistake as you will see."

"Sir, I am glad to say my husband, reported missing, is now dead."

"Unless I get my husband's money I shall be forced to lead an immoral life."

"I am writing these lines for Mrs. Green who cannot write herself. She expects to be confined next week and can do with it."

"I have enclosed my marriage certificate and six children. I have some and one died, which was baptized on a half sheet of paper by the Rev. Thomas."

"Please find out if my husband is dead, as the man I am now living with won't eat or do anything until he is sure."

"In answer to your letter I have given birth to a little boy weighing ten pounds. Is this satisfactory?"

"You have changed my little girl into a little boy. Will this make any difference."

"Please send my money at once as I have fallen into errors with my landlord."

"I have no children as my husband is a bus driver and works all day and all night."

"In accordance with your instructions I have given birth to twins in the enclosed envelope."

"I want money as quick as you can sent it. I have been in bed with my doctor all week and he does not seem to be doing me any good."

"Milk is wanted for my baby as the father is unable to supply it."

"Regarding your enquiry the teeth in the top are alright but the ones in the bottom are hurting terribly."

Dear Abby

“Fight Against Stupidity And Bureaucracy”

I must confess as to never having had the urge to write to Dear Abby about any of my problems. I prefer to sort things out myself as best I can and usually that works, not perfectly, but okay. Other people seem to be different, which is a good thing as regards this blog post.

Here are a selection of Dear Abby letters that I enjoyed reading.

As always, I hope you do too.

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Dear Abby,

A couple of women moved in across the hall from me. One is a middle-aged gym teacher and the other is a social worker in her mid-twenties. These two women go everywhere together and I've never seen a man go into or leave their apartment. Do you think they could be Lebanese?        

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Dear Abby,

What can I do about all the Sex, Nudity, Fowl Language and Violence On My VCR?

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Dear Abby,

I have a man I can't trust. He cheats so much, I'm not even sure the baby I'm carrying is his.

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Dear Abby,

I am a twenty-three year old liberated woman who has been on the pill for two years. It's getting expensive and I think my boyfriend should share half the cost, but I don't know him well enough to discuss money with him.

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Dear Abby,

I've suspected that my husband has been fooling around, and when confronted with the evidence, he denied everything - and said it would never happen again.

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Dear Abby,

Our son writes that he is taking Judo. Why would a boy who was raised in a good Christian home turn against his own?

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Dear Abby,

I joined the Navy to see the world. I've seen it. Now how do I get out?

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Dear Abby,

My forty year old son has been paying a psychiatrist $50.00 an hour every week for two and a half years. He must be crazy.

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Dear Abby,

I was married to Bill for three months, and I didn't know he drank until one night he came home sober.

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Dear Abby,

My mother is mean and short tempered - I think she is going through mental pause.                                   

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Dear Abby,

You told some woman whose husband had lost all interest in sex to send him to a doctor. Well, my husband lost all interest in sex - and he is a doctor. Now what do I do?

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Dear Abby,

I've been going steady with this man for six years. We see each other every night. He says he loves me, and I know I love him, but he never mentions marriage. Do you think he's going out with me just for what he can get?

Gertie

Dear Gertie,

I don't know. What is he getting?

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Dear Abby,

My boyfriend is going to be twenty years old next month. I'd like to give him something nice for his birthday. What do you think he'd like?

Carol

Dear Carol,

Never mind what he'd like. Give him a tie.

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Dear Abby,

Are birth control pills deductible?

Kay

Dear Kay,

Only if they don't work.

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Dear Abby,

Our son was married in January. Five months later his wife had a ten-pound baby girl. They said the baby was premature. Tell me, can a baby this big be that early?

Wondering

Dear Wondering,

The baby was on time, the wedding was late.

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Dear Abby,

Do you think about dying much?

Curious

Dear Curious,

No, it's the last thing I want to do.

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Dear Abby,

Is it possible for a man to be in love with two women at the same time?

Jake

Dear Jake,

Yes, and also hazardous.

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Dear Abby,

I know boys will be boys, but my 'boy' is seventy-three and he's still chasing women. Any suggestions?

Annie

Dear Annie,

Don't worry. My dog has been chasing cars for years, but if he ever caught one, he wouldn't know what to do with it.

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Dear Abby,

I have always wanted to have my family history traced, but I can't afford to spend a lot of money to do it. Any suggestions?

Sam in Cal.

Dear Sam,

Yes. Run for public office.

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